


In The Middle

by sharkeu



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Multi, Romance, idk what to tag tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-04 16:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12774618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkeu/pseuds/sharkeu
Summary: Bambam finds himself in a battle between love and friendship with his best friends Lisa and Yugyeom, which one will win?





	1. Bambam and Lisa

"Stop crying, you dummy!" Lisa said as she pat Bambam's head.

It was nearly evening, darkness is slowly enveloping the sky but Bambam and Lisa's eyes have long been dark because of crying. This is the first time in the seven years that they have known each other that they will be separated, no wonder they're having troubles saying goodbye.

Bambam can still remember the day he first met Lisa. He was in his room. As usual, his mom told him to sleep for the afternoon so he’ll grow taller—he was pretty small for a five year old, people always mistake him as three—but he hated it. No kid ever enjoy sleeping in the afternoon when all the good cartoons are shown in TV. Instead of sleeping, he’s looking out at his bedroom window, not even boredom is making him sleep. He was staring blankly at the old boring house next door when a car pulled over, followed by a big container van. He was watching as a couple got out of the car followed by a little girl. Only one thing comes his mind; a new playmate. Bambam became so excited, he started jumping around his room. He needs to talk to her. He has to talk to her before the bullies next door approach her and he lose the chance to have a new friend.

He wanted to get out of the room and talk to her that instant but his mom is outside in the living room and there’s no way he’s gonna get out without his mom noticing and spanking his butt. He thought of ways to get out. He thought about climbing out of the window but his room is in the second floor and he’s not up for stuff that extreme yet.

His mom is s light-sleeper so she’ll definitely notice when he sneak out and walk out of the house when he was supposed to be sleeping for over an hour now. He was turning hopeless when his eyes caught his drawing pad just above his study desk.

He tore one page and folded it like a plane the way his Dad taught him to. It wasn’t his best paper plane and he hated it but he was up against time so after convincing himself it’s good enough, he went straight to his window, opened and threw the plane to the girl’s direction, praying that the winds will be in his favor and land in it in the right place.

He must’ve prayed hard enough because the paper plane landed right in front of the girl’s feet. The girl, despite being startled, took the paper plane and looked where it came from—Bambam’s window of course. Once he saw the girl looking up, he waved enthusiastically. The girl looked at him from the paper, read it then looked back at him. She was just staring at the window for a bit too long Bambam almost thought she doesn’t know how to read yet. But just when he’s about to give up, the girl beamed with a smile, waving back at him just as enthusiastically.

Later that night, over dinner—when Bambam’s mom invited the girl’s family for dinner—Bambam learned that her name is Lisa and she’s just about the same ages as him. The two of them became instant friends playing Pokemon in Bambam's playstation. The following week, Lisa was enrolled in Bambam's school. It was probably the best day in Bambam's life—going to school with his newfound best friend. Since then, the two became inseparable. Goes to school together, goes home together.

But that night was probably the worse night in Bambam's then twelve years of life. Lisa's father is a diplomat, so it is granted that they change country of residence from time to time. It used to be easy for Lisa, she was just a toddler who never let go of her mom's hand. But that time, it was different. Lisa has friends and a home she has to leave behind. It was awful and it breaks the heart of a twelve-year-old who just wants to be young and spend summer carefree with her friends.

 

"I'm not dying!" Lisa joked, pulling away from Bambam who's wiping his nose with his shirt's sleeves. "It's just Japan. It's not that far, right, Mom?" Lisa asked turning to her Mom who is busy checking in their luggage and just answered her with a warm smile. "See? And we can always talk to each other. Internet is a thing now, you know. We won't stop being friends." Her voice cracking a bit in the end. She's fighting her tears for too long now.

Bambam knows this. He knows everything. Lisa is probably acting tough now, like she always do, but Bambam can always see through her. When she said it's okay that he rarely sees her Dad because of his job, Bambam knows that she's hurting inside, she misses her Dad all the time. So when he noticed Lisa's voice cracking, he straightened his body and held Lisa's shoulders, which took a bit of effort since Lisa is quite taller than him.

"Stop pretending, you can cry too, dummy." He whispered.

Lisa looked at him with a mix of awe and wonder before cracking up.

"Ey, you're sounding like man now!" Lisa said, ruffling Bambam's head.

"Hey, stop!" Bambam said in annoyance, he always hated when Lisa does that, it makes him shorter than he really thinks. But he saw tears escaping from Lisa's eyes, she's just bluffing.

"I'm gonna miss you, dummy." Lisa said, still ruffling Bambam's hair but less aggressive now.

"I know," Bambam said, letting Lisa ruffle his hair. "Me too, dummy."

 

Lisa wasn't wrong when she said internet is a thing because, thanks to the rapid rise of social media, the two of them never missed a day talking to each other. Whether it be through Facebook or Skype, or whatever—at least for the first few years.

Eventually, days turns into weeks, into months, even. But it never lamented the pair's friendship, in fact, it even made their bond stronger. For people who are really destined to be friends, it will always be easy to catch up. Striking up conversation is never an issue even if it takes them months since the last time they've talked to each other. Nothing much really changed, aside from being miles apart. They still know everything about each other. Bambam's basketball tryout which he aced thanks to Lisa’s e-cheering to Lisa’s granny neighbor who always gives her cookies, from new gadgets to toothaches—everything, literally everything.

Lisa's family still moved from country to country which is why they had trouble visiting Bambam's town. It has been five years now since their family left town. It has been five years since Bambam and Lisa have last seen each other in flesh, not in some pixelated screen. They miss each other so much, oh, how they miss each other so much. There's not a day that one of them isn’t waiting to see each other.

 

***

 

Bambam and his bestfriend Yugyeom are in their usual after class shenanigans in the old gym when Bambam got a call from his Mom. It's the usual. Bambam and Yugyeom are practicing basketball in the court. They've been there in the past three hours, Yugyeom is just randomly throwing balls in the hoop while Bambam is seated in the bleacher, twirling a ball with his hands.

"Mom, I told you I'll be home in an hour." Bambam said quickly not even waiting for his Mom to talk. Bambam is graduating in highschool in a few months and he hated the way his mom still treats him like a ten-year-old.

Yugyeom shakes his head hearing Bambam arguing with his Mom again

"I'm not telling you to hurry home," Bambam's Mom started calmly and patiently. "But I have some news that might want you to hurry home."

Bambam rolled his eyes. "Unless you got some mean steak for dinner, I won't hurry home. Yugyeom and I are dropping by the kebab place for dinner."

"Better than a steak." His mom pressed.

"What is it?" Bambam groaned.

Bambam swears to God he could feel his mom smiling over the line.

"Patience, boy." His mom added. "You've been patient for five years, what more—"

The following words didn't register in Bambam's mind anymore. He knows exactly what his mom is telling him.

"They're coming home?!" Bambam cut his mom who's in the middle of telling him their plans about dinner.

His mom laughed over the phonw. "I thought you're listening? Yes, son. Lisa and her family are coming over for—"

"Okay, okay!" Bambam didn't even let his mom finish again. "I'm on my way home!"

Bambam stuffed his phone on his pocket, grabbed Yugyeom by the arm, practically dragging him out of the gym.

"Hey, hey," Yugyeom said taking his arm away from Bambam and regaining his balance to follow Bambam's fast steps. "What happened? Who's coming home?"

Bambam didn't answer until they're out in the shed waiting for the bus.

"Lisa." Bambam muttered. "Lisa's coming home." There is that undeniable excitement in Bambam's voice. He's like an excited puppy being teased with a treat. Like a little kid opening a gift. He has never been this excited since the announcement of the newest Spiderman reboot.

"Lisa?" It took a while before the familiar name registered in Yugyeom's head. "Oh, Lisa! Your childhood girlfriend!" Yugyeom teased with a nudge.

Yugyeom has heard an awful lot about Lisa. Bambam talks about him almost every day, broughts up her name in every conversation, Yugyeom felt like he knows her so well too.

Bambam's smile dropped just a bit. "What? Ew. Shut up." he said just a little bit annoyed, he's still ecstatic. He's finally seeing his best friend after five years. He has been struggling to look for words to describe how he feels to his other best friend but sometimes, words fail and actions wins. And today, Yugyeom is just as aware of how happy his best friend is, despite trying to be smug about the whole girlfriend idea. On Bambam's defense, he never thought of Lisa romantically. But thinking about it now, referring to her as childhood friend is an understatement.

"What?" Yugyeom asked curiously. Their bus arrived and Bambam was inside in an instant, almost leaving Yugyeom behind. They settled in the far end of the bus, standing despite the bus having a few empty seats.

"What _what_?" Bambam repeated.

Yugyeom looked at him funnily. "You never thought of her more than a friend? I mean look at you being excited to see her again. And, man, you should hear yourself talking about her. You talk about her twenty-five-eight, by this time I think I know her now even despite not ever seeing her. If it's other people hearing you, they might think you're in love with her or something. I mean, even I, you're best friend thinks so too at times. You don't really like her? Never?"

Bambam just looked at him with a straight face as he continued talking. Though, at the back of his head, he's wondering, does he really talk about Lisa that much?

"Nah, bro. She's Lisa. How can I like her?" Bambam answered, a little too confidently even himself found it cocky.

"Really?" Yugyeom asked, his tone a bit softer than earlier, a small smile creeping up his face. "She's cute."

Bambam wouldn't admit it, but it caught him off guard more than Yugyeom accusing him of liking his best friend. But instead, he cracked up and laughed almost hysterically, a few head turning into their spot as he does. Yugyeom felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Lisa? Cute?" Bambam asked in between laughter. "You gotta see a doctor for eyes, bro. Lisa is nothing but a wimpy kid."

"I think you're the one who needs to see a doctor, bro." Yugyeom said. "You've known her all your life and you don't even see how cute she is?"

"Freaks me out bro." Bambam said, disgust is painted all over his face. But what annoys him is that, he realized, Lisa isn't really ugly but he just never see her that way.

Yugyeom shrugged. "Whatever. Guess you don't really like her then."

"That's what I've been telling you for the past hour, man." Bambam answered.

That's what Bambam has been telling himself for years now.

_Lisa is just a friend_.


	2. Bambam and Yugyeom

It was the first day of freshman year in highschool when Bambam met Yugyeom. Classes were over, Bambam was about to leave the school premises when he decided to take a stroll in his new school. He went in every corner of the school to find some place he can claim for his own. It's just been weeks since Lisa left and somehow, Bambam still felt empty and had a bit of trouble looking for a new friend especially when everyone in class seems to have their buddy or something while his only friend left him just a few weeks ago.

His school was damn big and it was already dark when he ended up in an empty old gym. The school was newly renovated then and had some new facilities like the gym but that one was a lot smaller and definitely older. This could be it, he thought to himself. No one would like to spend time in an old dusty gym when a new and air-conditioned one is there. What seems like just twilight a while ago turned into pitch black of the night in an instant. It was very dark inside the gym, only the light from the moon slipping in into one of the big windows guided him inside.

He went slowly inside, making small quiet steps.

But the same light of the moon scared the shit out of him when he saw something moving under the moonlight; he felt all of the hair in his body stood when he found another shadow approaching him. He thought he was in some horror flick. The shadow stops whenever he stops walking and moves when he started moving.

He stopped for what felt like forever. If it wasn't a ghost, he thought to himself, it will move. But it seems like the shadow was waiting too.

He stood there frozen, not knowing what to do.

Until from his back, he heard someone locking the gates of the gym.

He didn't know what to do, when he noticed someone was there, he quickly shout at the top of his lungs.

"HELP!" he was frantic. But what scared him more is that someone shouted too—at the same time that he did, shouted the same word.

"Who's there?" the man from the gate shouted as he pans his flashlight inside the gym right where Bambam is standing.

Bambam was almost blinded by the light from the flashlight so he stepped away a bit and when he turned where the flashlight is pointing, he was even more scared when he saw a slender and tall man in front of him—who is just as shocked as he was.

"AHHH!!!" Bambam and the man screamed as they both ran to the gate, bumping and pushing each other along the way.

It was only when they reached the gate and was under proper lighting did Bambam noticed that it wasn't the slender man or any scary figure but instead an extremely tall boy who's probably just the same age as him.

And as much as the experience almost took his sanity away, it was something he would thank God for in the following days because that slender boy became his newfound best friend.

Later on, Bambam found out he is Yugyeom and he’s from his year but from a different class. Turns out, the old gym is off limits to students but since that night they became friends with the gym’s guard who allows them to stay over at the gym granted that everything is still intact when they leave.

It sounds lame but, if not for Yugyeom, Bambam wouldn’t have survived high school.

 

***

 

The two got off the bus at their stop. A few meters of walking and they arrived at the convenience store a few blocks away from Bambam’s house where they leave their bikes in the morning.

Bambam was ready to pedal away when Yugyeom grabbed his arm.

“Hey, I thought we’re stopping by the kebab place?” Yugyeom asked. He knew it was a dumb question knowing that Bambam is meeting Lisa and he has never been so eager to go home.

“Let’s eat kebabs some other time. They’re probably at home now. Just go grab dinner at our place. My mom probably prepared a feast or something.” Bambam answered.

“Nah. It’s fine. My mom’s probably waiting for me too and I don’t want to be a bother to you reunion with your childhood girlfriend.” Yugyeom said.

Bambam groaned. “Come on. I should introduce you guys too. Wow. My two best friends in one place. This is probably the best day of my life.” He added a bit too enthusiastically.

“Hm ok—“ Yugyeom was cut off by his phone ringing. It was his mom probably frantic the he’s still not home. “Pass. My mom’s freaking out again.”

Bambam just shrugged. He was ready to pedal again when he noticed something’s off with his bike.

He got off and bent down to check.

“What’s wrong?” Yugyeom asked turning around.

“Fu—“ Bambam exhaled in annoyance. “Flat tire!” He almost threw his bike in annoyance. Of all the days that his bike would mess up, why now? When all he wanted is to be at home and meet Lisa?

“You’ve got the worst luck.” Yugyeom chuckled. “Come on.”

Yugyeom reversed, stopping in front of Bambam, offering him a ride.

Bambam did a quick shout at the convenience store’s owner telling her that he’ll just come back for his bike tomorrow before hoping in behind Yugyeom.

It was as if they’re in some action movie speeding up to save a damsel in distress. But it’s the reality and in reality, no matter how big Yugyeom is, it’s still hard for him to pedal for the two of them.

“Faster, Gyeom!” Bambam demanded.

Yugyeom groaned before stopping with his feet. “Why don’t you try it?!” He was a bit annoyed.

“I would but you’re so much bigger than me we’ll probably be even slower.” Bambam answered. “Just please. I’ll treat you kebab some time, I promise!”

Yugyeom can never say no to kebab. “You should thank the heavens you’re my best friend.”

After about an hour—regular time by bike should’ve been less than thirty minutes—they’ve arrived at Bambam’s place.

“Thanks man.” Bambam said attempting to kiss Yugyeom in the cheek.

Yugyeom pushed him away too dramatically. “Gross! Remember you owe me!”

Bambam quickly ran to the door only to remember that he lost his keys.

Yugyeom was about to go when he noticed his best friend in another crisis. “What now?”

“My keys. I left it.”

“You’re so hopeless.” Yugyeom said as Bambam bents down and flips every pot of plant in their porch.

“What the heck are you doing?” Yugyeom asked puzzled.

“I know my sister keeps her keys somewhere here.” Bambam muttered.

“Well, ever heard about the thing called knocking?” Yugyeom said impatiently as he knocks at the door gently.

“It’s probably Bambam!” They heard someone from inside announced.

In a fraction of a second, the door swings open and before he knew it, hundreds of confetti are flying above Yugyeom’s head.

“What the f—“ Yugyeom said under his breath.

“Welcome home, Bambam!” A girl greeted.

It’s Lisa. Bambam haven’t seen her face fully yet but he’s sure it is her. Nobody but else but Lisa. Besides, who else would throw confetti and welcome him home grandly in his own house?

“Bambam?” Lisa repeated as the confetti slowly fall down revealing that the boy in front of him is not Bambam and some slender, extremely talk boy she has never seen before. She gasped in horror

Beside them, watching the chaos that Lisa brought herself into, Bambam started chuckling.

“You’re still a dummy.” Bambam said, that is when Lisa turned her head to him.

Lisa’s eyes glowed. There is a mix of awe and excitement seen in her round doll eyes.

“Bambam!” She squealed.

Bambam looked at her and it was as if everything was in slow motion—like Quicksilver’s scenes in Xmen—everything is taking its time. And all those times, Bambam is just looking at Lisa thinking of what he will do.

Bambam has dreamt of this a thousand times, waited for it even. The time they will be reunited and all those times, what he envisioned is him wrapping his best friend in a tight hug. But this time, it’s everything that he cannot do. It’s like he can’t bring himself to hug her although he’s longing for it.

Before he can even process what’s going on, two arms are wrapped around him.

“Bambam!” Lisa repeated, almost to his ear now as she envelope him in a tight hug.

That’s when Bambam came back to his senses and hugged her back.

“Lisa.” He said, almost whispering directly to her ear.

“Oh God, I missed you so much!” Lisa said.

_Oh God you have no idea how much I’ve missed you too._ Bambam wanted to say but there was something about Lisa right now that keeps him mum.

Lisa pulled away from the hug a bit to take a closer look at Bambam as he takes a closer look at her too. She was still the same. Her hair a bit longer than her usual haircut before but her fringe stayed the same. Her face still round but with a little less fat on the cheeks. Her eyes, her eyes still glows whenever she’s happy. He really missed her so much.

“Wow, you’re a lot taller now! Taller than me!” Lisa said tiptoeing to reach Bambam’s hair to ruffle it.

That pulled Bambam from his thoughts. “Hey, stop. I spent all morning fixing this.” He said moving away trying to redeem his styled hair.

“Ey. Look who’s a big boy now.” Lisa teased even more.

The best friends are lost in their own world until Yugyeom cleared his throat. Lisa and Bambam turning to him.

Only then did Lisa realized the mess she did.

“OMG. I’m so sorry, I thought you’re Bambam!” Lisa explained as she quickly takes the pieces of paper stuck on Yugyeom’s hair which was almost impossible for her to reach since he’s too tall.

“Look what you did, dummy.” Bambam said moving beside her to help her. But instead of being gentle at Yugyeom, Bambam dramatically pulled Yugyeom’s ear so his head is at their level and takes the papers away.

“Hey!”

“Bambam!”

Lisa and Yugyeom cried in chorus which earned a light chuckle from Bambam.

“By the way,” Bambam started when they’re almost done with the confetti in Yugyeom’s head. “This is Yugyeom, my best friend.” He told Lisa. “You have to thank him for keeping me company when you were gone.”

Bambam turned to Yugyeom. “Yugyeom, this is Lisa, my best friend. You have to thank her for leaving or else I wouldn’t have been spending too much time with you.”

Lisa just rolled her eyes and Yugyeom made a face before turning to each other.

“Nice meeting you, Yugyeom.” Lisa said with a polite ninety-degree bow.

“Nice meeting you too, Lisa.” Yugyeom said with a wide grin. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Bambam nudged him.

“Really? I hope they’re nice things.” Lisa said a bit embarrassed.

“Oh, you bet.” Yugyeom said and that’s when Bambam realized that Yugyeom and Lisa in the same place is not a good idea, at least not now.

“Yugyeom? Is that you?” Bambam’s mom called from inside.

“Yes—“ Yugyeom answered but Bambam was quick cover his mouth.

“Yeah but he’s already leaving!” Bambam said.

“Already?” Lisa asked sounding disappointed.

“Hey you said I can stay for dinner?” Yugyeom protested.

Then Bambam’s mom appeared by the porch. “Glad you’re here, Gyeom. I got too excited and prepared too much food. There’s more than enough for you. Come on, stay for dinner.”

Yugyeom opened his mouth to answer but his phone rang. It was his mom, of course.

“Oh I don’t think I can.” Yugyeom frowned. “My mom’s expecting me home by now.”

“Are you sure? You can also invite your parents—“

“Oh, no need!” Yugyeom said. “My mom prepared dinner too, she’ll be disappointed.” But also, Yugyeom knows that this is Bambam and Lisa’s time and he wouldn’t want to be a bother.

“If you say so. I’ll just pack some food for you guys at school tomorrow.” Bambam’s mom promised.

“That’ll be great! Thank you so much.” Yugyeom said as Bambam’s mom went back inside the house.

Yugyeom’s phone rang again.

“I really need to go now, guys. I’m sorry!” Yugyeom said turning his bike around. “See you at school, Bam! And see you around, Lisa!”

Bambam couldn’t believe his eyes. Did Yugyeom really flashed that smile? His you’re-cute-for-me-smile at Lisa? His Lisa? Bambam shook away his thoughts.

“Hey, Bam, come on. Dinner is ready!” Lisa said throwing an arm around him which suddenly made his heart beat faster.

 

 

Bambam and Lisa talked nonstop over dinner, they’re moms had to shush them for almost four times.

Lisa and her mom will be staying at Bambam’s place, her Dad following in three weeks. It has been years since their old house has been sold and they didn’t have anyone in this place except Bambam’s family.

Bambam is a liar if he didn’t expect Lisa to use his room. In his defense, sleepovers back then when they were kids are as normal as having snack over they practically lived in each other’s rooms. But it’s different now. There’s nothing wrong about it, of course but they’re not kids anymore and almost-eighteen-year-olds boy and girl sharing a bed isn’t very usual.

“Go to sleep now, kids.” Bambam’s mom said when Bambam and Lisa are still in the living room playing Mario Kart in Bambam’s playstation. Lisa was surprised it was still intact. “You still have class tomorrow, Bam.”

Bambam groaned. But before he can complain, Lisa was already shutting down the playstation.

“What? You’re really gonna sleep? It’s not even midnight yet!” Bambam protested like a little kid.

Lisa just rolled her eyes chuckling.

“Lisa is tired too, you know. You still have tomorrow anyway.” Bambam’s mom added.

Bambam let out another groan in defeat. He quickly washed up and went upstairs in his room. Lisa using his older sister’s room while she’s in the city for university.

By the time Bambam got out of the bathroom, Lisa is already inside the room.

Bambam just shrugged. No goodnight? He thought to himself. But instead of dwelling on it, he just went inside his room and jump on his bed to prepare for slumber.

Bambam is an easy-sleeper. But tonight, he found himself twisting and turning around his bed for hours. Lisa is finally here. He tried to let the reality sink in. It’s like she’s been away for too long that all of this right now seems surreal. But it’s real. She was there for dinner, defeated him on Mario Kart just like before and was sleeping in his sister’s room right now. It’s not exactly how it used to be but this is exactly what it felt like when he was ten.

He was staring blankly in the dark ceiling when he heard a gentle knock on his door. He turned to his bedside clock to check the time. He squint his eye to make sure he is seeing it right. 3:04 am, the clock says. Devil’s hour. He straightened his back on the bed. Bambam would never admit that he is a coward, scaredy cat. But it’s the devil’s hour. Who cares about courage when you’re dealing with bad elements?

He tightened his grip on his blanket, slowly covering himself up to his face with it as if it will help him instantly fall asleep. And as if right on cue, he heard three gentle knocks on the door. Bambam curled under the blanket, tucking his legs on his chest.

Two more knocks followed.

Bambam started praying

Another knock. By this time, it could all just be in his mind but he lost it when he heard someone call.

“Bambam...” the voice called.

Bambam started praying out loud.

“Bambam!” The voice called still barely unaudible but stern. “I know you’re awake.”

Bambam felt numb when he realized who it is. Lisa. Of course, it was Lisa.

When everything registered in his mind, he quickly stood up from his bed almost stumbling as he walks to the door.

“Lisa?” Bambam said as he opens his door, sounding more relieved than ever.

“What took you so long?” Lisa asked, walking past Bambam but stopped when she got a closer look at him. “And what were you doing? You look pale and...sweaty.” She said look at him suspiciously, eyeing him from head to toe.

Bambam wrapped his arms around his body dramatically. “I’m...I was asleep—“

Lisa cut him off. “It’s okay. Boys should be boys.” She said shrugging before slumping herself in Bambam’s bed.

“What? I was sleeping!” Bambam defended.

“What did I say?” Lisa flashed a mischievous grin.

Bambam shook his head in defeat before sitting on the floor just beside Lisa.

“Why are you still awake?” Bambam asked.

“Jet lag.” Lisa answered.

“Shut up. You came from Thailand. That’s just an hour flight away, dummy.”

“Whoa. Look who’s smart.”

Bambam shook his head.

“It felt lonely in your sister’s room.” Lisa finally admitted. “Especially when I know that my best friend is just in the room next door.”

“You missed me that much, huh?” Bambam teased.

“Of course, dummy.” Lisa answered sliding down to sit on the floor beside Bambam.

“I’m finally here, Bambam.” She said as she turn to him “I’m finally home.”

“Yes, you are.” Bambam agreed, nodding his head. He turns to her but quickly turned away when he saw Lisa’s eyes staring at him. He was flustered.

Silence followed. The two of them embracing each other’s presence they both missed.

Bambam remembered their slumbers when they were kids. They’re so loud, talking about the space, Marvel, chickens—everything they can think of, they talk about. They spent the whole night talking nonstop. But this time, it was different. It was quiet, no words are needed but they know they’re both on the same page—that this day is probably the best; that seeing each other after a long time makes them the happiest that no words can explain but somehow silence can.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes before Bambam felt his bed move a bit. When he turned to Lisa, her head was lying on the bed, she has fallen asleep.

Bambam found himself smiling as he look at his best friend. He suddenly remembered Yugyeom calling her cute because, at this moment, as she takes quiet breaths, he has only one thing in mind.

_Damn, she is beautiful._


	3. Bambam, Lisa, Yugyeom

There’s not a day that went by, since Lisa arrived, that wasn’t spent with she and Bambam hanging around. It was exactly like when they were kids, except this time, the pair became a pack of three with Yugyeom tagging along. Bambam didn’t expected it but Yugyeom and Lisa got along just fine, sometimes even teaming up against him and teasing him.

Bambam, however, was yet to sort of how he actually feels for Lisa. All of a sudden, Lisa isn’t just the wimpy kid he knew. Suddenly, Lisa is a girl whose laugh sounds like angels singing; whose smile looks like the sun shining brightly even on a gloomy day. Before he can realize it, Bambam founds his heart beating fast at the sight of Lisa’s eyes shimmering or at the lightest, most innocent touch. It wasn’t always, he’s thankful, they can still mess around like they used to. Lisa is still the careless girl he used to know who always acts tough. She still laughs like an old man at times; still farts or sneezes, yawns without covering her mouth in front of Bambam and he doesn’t care. It was weird for Bambam feeling something for Lisa that he hasn’t felt before—a feeling that excites him but at the same time, make him feel like home. It confuses him a lot, but most of the time, he finds himself more happy than usual.

That is until things started to turn a bit differently, making things a bit weirder. Lisa and Yugyeom became really close in an instant, which Bambam found really cool—at first. Until he started feeling something between the two, like a spark or something. There was something different that he didn’t expect. At some point, he will find Lisa laughing hysterically at some lame joke Yugyeom will say that Bambam swears to God is not even an inch funny. He knows Lisa and Lisa is a smart girl who doesn’t get swayed easily by corny jokes. Yugyeom, was a bit more obvious. He is always excited to see Lisa, always pestering Bambam if she’ll hangout with them after class or if he can spend weekends at Bambam’s place so all the three of them can hangout together. What drives Bambam crazy is that he hated it. He can’t figure out why but he hates it when Lisa laughs so hard at Yugyeom’s nonsense jokes and always feel like hitting Yugyeom in the chest when he’s pestering him about Lisa. There was an undeniable connection between the two and Bambam hates it especially at times when his best friends got lost in their own world and he feels like he’s not part of it anymore. But most of the time, the resentment really is towards Yugyeom, like he wanted to take him away from his best friend. He hated that Yugyeom is too close to Lisa that it’s making him uncomfortable.

Bambam hated how he feels. He felt immature about being selfish, like he didn’t want to share Lisa to anyone else, not even—especially not—to Yugyeom. He hated feeling jealous of his two best friends growing close so he tried to push the feelings away. He’s too old to throw tantrums anyway and, actually, it is a pretty petty reason to point out. He feels like telling Yugyeom and Lisa about will just end up with the two of them teaming up against him—something that he didn’t want. So he just stayed mum about it everytime, acting like nothing is bothering him at all.

 

 

“Hey, it’s nine in the morning, where are you going?” Lisa asked Bambam when she saw him by the door putting on his shoes.

“Oh, good morning.” Bambam greeted not looking up from his shoes. “Didn’t I tell you? Yugyeom and I are volunteering at the animal shelter. We do it every month and we’re scheduled today.”

“Oh.” Lisa said. “Can I come?”

Bambam finally stood up. “Huh? You never like pets, right?” Bambam asked puzzled.

“I do.” Lisa said standing beside Bambam to get her shoes too. “I used to have a puppy right? Lala?”

“Oh yeah.” Bambam answered.

He didn’t actually forgot. Lala was a poodle Lisa had. It was a gift from her Dad when she was six. She loved it. They both do actually. But it died just a year after. It was Lisa’s first ever pet and she was so heartbroken when she died. She spent days crying, at one point, she didn’t even want to talk to Bambam. It hurt Bambam seeing her like that and was desperate to make her feel better. Bambam even tried convincing his mom to buy Lisa a new puppy as a gift but Lisa was so heartbroken she didn’t even want a new dog after that.

“Let’s go.” Lisa declared cheerfully, dragging Bambam by his arm.

Bambam stayed in his place, a bit hesitant. “Are you sure?”

Lisa looked at him for a moment as if thinking about it too before flashing a bright smile that almost blinded Bambam. “Of course, come on.”

The animal shelter isn’t that far from Bambam’s house. Bambam and Lisa took the bus and a few stops after, they arrived at the bus stop where Yugyeom is waiting.

“You’re late, bro!” Yugyeom said as soon as he saw Bambam. “I’ve been waiting fo—“ he was about to rant some more until he saw Lisa trailing from behind Bambam. “Oh, hi Lisa.” He said with a gentle wave before putting his hand behind his head.

"I didn't know you like pets." Yugyeom asked Lisa when the three of them started walking.

Bambam, who's walking between the tw—his arms wrapped around Yugyeom's neck as if strangling him—waited for Lisa to respond, wondering if she'll share the story of Lala.

It took Lisa a while before answering. Bambam and Yugyeom are patiently waiting, both looking at Lisa. Bambam swore that Lisa looked plain a while ago when their at home but now, her hair is up in a half do—accenting her fringe and her lips are looking a more pink. She is beautiful but at the same time looked a bit different.

"Well, sort of." Lisa finally answered.

Bambam didn't say anything anymore as well as Yugyeom, he somehow sensed that something is up and he can't quite point out but is too shy to ask.

When they arrived at the animal shelter, Paul greeted them at the door.

"Hey boys," he greeted. "And girl." he added when he noticed Lisa with the two regular volunteers.

"Oh, hey Paul." Bambam greeted. "This is Lisa, my friend from abroad."

"Hi." Lisa said smiling with a polite nod.

"Oh, you're Lisa!" Paul said.

"Yeah," Lisa said, nodding nervously. "Do you really tell everyone in this town about me?" She whispered to Bambam but was loud enough for Paul and Yugyeom to hear who both chuckled leaving Lisa with burning cheeks.

"Well," Paul started. "Let's continue this later. You're actually just in time, we kinda need a hand over here at the shelter."

Paul started walking and the three followed. Paul isn't much older than them, he is in college taking up veterinary as a course so it's not a surprise that he is volunteering in the shelter too. Also, he's very fond of dogs and his uncle owns the shelter.

"We rescued three dogs today." Paul explained as he opens the door of the mini operating room. "Badly wounded. Two were caught in a dog fight while one was found beside the road. We think he got ran over a motor bike or something.

Lisa froze in her place. Lala was hit and ran over by car then.

They were about to enter to when Bambam realizes this. He looked beside him and found Lisa standing still, her eyes welling in tears.

"Carry on, bro." Bambam whispered to Yugyeom as he push him inside. "Give me a second, I'll follow."

Before Yugyeom could ask was going on, the doors were already closed and he was greeted by the chaos at the emergency room. All the veterinarians running around, saving the lives of the three dogs.

Behind the doors, Bambam and Lisa are left.

Bambam held Lisa in her shoulders. As soon as he did, Lisa felt her whole body got weak.

"Hey, hey," Bambam said, holding her firmly. He still don't understand why she insisted in coming along when he already know this might happen, and so does she.

"Are you okay?" Bambam whispered as he guides Lisa to sit in the bench a few steps from the emergency room. "Do you wanna go home?"

Lisa didn't answer instead, she made her grip at Bambam's arms tighter. Bambam put his hand over Lisa's hand before sitting beside her.

That's when Lisa started crying. The memory is still painful for her and it was as if all the memories she had with Lala and the pain of losing her came back.

Bambam put his arm around Lisa and pulled her closer to him, comforting her.

They stayed like that for a moment, Bambam not really knowing what to do except to let her cry.

"Hey," Bambam started when Lisa straightened her back, almost done with the crying. "What do you call an alligator in a vest?"

It was out of the blue and random but Lisa knows exactly what it is, Bambam haven't cracked the joke yet but Lisa is already chuckling, wiping her tears away.

"Come on, don't you know?" Bambam asked again.

Lisa took a deep breath as if she's annoyed. "An in-vest-igator, dummy."

"Oh, how did you know that?" Bambam said shaking his as if he's surprised. "How 'bout this, how many tickles do you need to make an octopus laugh?"

Lisa moved away, she knows what will happen next. Bambam did this a lot of times in the past whenever Lisa feels blue.

"What?" Bambam asked coming near her. "Answer!"

"Stop, Bam. Don't—“ Lisa said inching away even more. "Please—“

"Ten-tickles!" Bambam said as he started tickling Lisa on her sides.

Lisa almost lost her breath laughing, she started crying again but this time in laughter. Lisa was aiming to tickle Bambam too but all her attempts fail especially when Bambam is a lot taller now compared to when they were kids. It used to be so easy for her to counter attack but it's almost impossible now.

They stopped when Yugyeom came out of the emergency room holding a weak puppy in his arms.

"Bam! Bambam, look!" He called.

Bambam and Lisa immediately rise to their feet as if they were caught doing something they weren't supposed to do.

Bambam ran to Yugyeom quickly.

"Is she okay?" Bambam asked.

"Better." Yugyeom answered, his face beaming with joy. "I saved her, Bambam, I saved her."

In that moment, Yugyeom looked like a giant baby who was given a lollipop or something, he was ecstatic.

"Her leg was badly hurt so I helped Paul and everyone and we did it." Yugyeom added.

"Great job, bro!" Bambam said patting Yugyeom's shoulder before caressing the dog's head.

Lisa walked to them slowly, not saying a word.

When she reached them, she was focused on the dog in Yugyeom's arms and carefully tap her head.

"Thank you." Lisa said before looking up at Yugyeom, tears welling in her eyes again.

"Are you okay?" Yugyeom asked, a bit worried. "Is she your pet?"

Lisa shook her head, she was half crying, half laughing. "Thank you." she repeated.

"You wanna hold her?" Yugyeom asked. Lisa nodded and reached her hand for the dog. Yugyeom helped her take the dog in her arms.

Bambam was looking at them from a far. He was looking at Lisa then to Yugyeom then back to Lisa. Lisa looks at Yugyeom like he's a hero or something. Which he is. Bambam admitted to himself. She probably sees Lala in this dog and Yugyeom was the one to save her.

Bambam looked at them carefully. He couldn't explain it well, but deep in his chest he felt something hurt.

 

 

Yugyeom and Lisa got too attached with the newly healed pet. Yugyeom asked Paul if he can have her. Paul was hesitant at first but Yugyeom promised he’ll take good care of her so Paul eventually agreed. But since she is still not well enough, so Paul decided to let her stay at the shelter first and once she's fully recovered, Yugyeom can take her home.

Bambam was quiet the whole ride home. Instead of sitting between Lisa and Yugyeom—it wasn't really an assigned thing, they just always find themselves in that position—he instead sat beside the window, Lisa next to him then Yugyeom.

He was still flustered by how he felt a while ago. What annoys him even more is that he cannot point out what he feels. He wanted to consult Yugyeom but realized it's shallow, he might even end up teasing him. It will also be weird since Yugyeom is involved in the whole thing. Besides, Yugyeom and Lisa are too busy talking to each other they practically forgot that there's another person with them. In the end, it just made Bambam more annoyed, making him, not just quiet, but grumpy too.

Never add fuel to the fire, they say. So instead of asking Bambam what is wrong, Yugyeom and Lisa felt they needed to give him space and stuck with each other instead.

Yugyeom asked Lisa what happened, why they didn't went inside the emergency room. Lisa was hesitant at first but somehow felt comfortable with Yugyeom so she ended up telling the story about Lala, all while trying not to shed a tear.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." Yugyeom said after Lisa told him the story. "That is why you were so emotional when you saw Bowi, right?" Yugyeom named his new pet Bowi since her ears looks like a ribbon bow.

Lisa just nodded.

“I hope you don’t blame yourself for what happened.” Yugyeom said.

Lisa was surprised. For the past years, that’s exactly how she’s feeling and that’s the reason why she was distant to pets since. Not only did she love Lala that much that she’s afraid it’ll break her heart again if she lost another one, but there has also been a guilt inside of her that only if she took care of her better, she wouldn’t have lost Lala.

There was silence. Yugyeom didn't know what to say, didn't know how to comfort Lisa. He wanted to hug her but didn’t feel like he can actually do that. The hug itself is awkward and Bambam around just makes it more awkward.

Yugyeom's stop was first before Bambam and Lisa's. Yugyeom got the best idea just before the bus stop in his area.

"How about this," Yugyeom started. "While you're here, you can have Bowi. I mean take care of her. I can bring her to you everyday or you can go over our place to play with her."

Lisa's eyes gleamed but was replaced by worry. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Yugyeom answered. "I know you'll do just great."

The bus stop and Yugyeom stood up. "What do you think?"

Lisa thought about it for a while. "That'll be great!" she finally answered.

"Great!" Yugyeom echoed, a grin flashed across his face. "See you around. See you at school bro." he said turning to Bambam and tapping his shoulder lightly and went straight out of the bus not even waiting for Bambam’s answer.

Then Bambam and Lisa are left in the bus.

“Are you okay?” Lisa asked. She was being sarcastic. She knows he’s not okay and hates that he’s putting up this attitude.

Bambam just shrugged. He wanted to tell her. Heck, all he wants is to tell his best friend about all the things that are bothering him.

He hated it. He hated that it is so childish that he cannot talk about it to anyone, not even his best friends. He wanted to tell Lisa about it. Lisa always understands him. All the time. She can know things about him that even he himself doesn’t understand. She knows better. She will tell him that it’s all in his mind and he’s just being immature. But how can he tell all these if she’s exactly the one that’s making him feel this way?

 

 

Weeks have passed and Bambam kept on trying to keep things cool. He still got his episodes at times though which just brought Yugyeom and Lisa closer thanks to their mutual struggle of dealing with Bambam’s mood swings.

“Hey Bam,” Yugyeom started when they’re playing basketball at the old gym.

“Huh?” Bambam asked lightly as he throws a ball to the ring and misses it.

“What is it?” Bambam asked again waiting for Yugyeom as he take the ball. He walked backwards from his previous spot, even past the three-point lane. He dribbled the ball and shook his shoulders like how the NBA players do. He took a deep breath, targeted the ring in his gaze before throwing the ball into the hoop.

“Yes!” Bambam exclaimed when the ball went right in, ringless. “Did you see that, bro?” He asked Yugyeom, excitedly turning to him only to find his plain stare.

“What? Didn’t you see that? That’s some Stephen Curry move right there!” He said too proudly at himself but Yugyeom just smiled shaking his head.

“What were you saying, anyway?” Bambam repeated. “Seems serious.”

This time, it’s Yugyeom’s turn to throw some balls, but all fail to get in. He was out of it.

Bambam just waited for him as sat in the floor, crossed legs, twirling a ball in his hand.

“Do you like Lisa?” Yugyeom asked, his sight is direct at the ring, afraid to make an eye contact with Bambam. “You don’t _really_ like her?”

The question hit Bambam harder that any of them intended to. _Don’t he really like Lisa? Does he like Lisa?_ It almost made him dizzy. It’s like a question he has been waiting to hear but is dreading to answer. No, he can’t be. A voice in his head asked. No, he doesn’t know. Another voice corrected. He doesn’t know what to answer. But somewhere inside of him though, a very soft voice he can barely hear, whispered a soft yes. The voice is not coming from his head, but somewhere in the middle of his chest.

Bambam tried so hard to take the idea away. It’s driving him crazy. No. He can’t like her. She’s Lisa. There’s no way he likes her. No. But why is Yugyeom asking? Does he know? Can he see through Bambam too? It’s driving him nuts. Yugyeom was probably seeing it too. Bambam thinks he can understand him. He should, he’s his best friend. He was determined to tell Yugyeom about it. Finally.

Yugyeom walked backwards, past the three-point line just where Bambam was standing a while ago. He looked at the ring. Dribbled the ball a few times, aimed at the ring, threw the ball.

_Shoot_. It was just like Bambam’s but simpler, less drama.

Yugyeom turned to Bambam. His face serious, his eyes sincere.

“I like her.”

Bambam felt the world crumble. It’s like the whole gym is closing in smaller and smaller until there’s no one else but him and Yugyeom. Then Lisa standing in between them.

_I like her_.

The words echo in Bambam’s head, each time, he feels a loud thump in his chest making his heart hurt. It was unbearable. He wanted to just lie down, wrap himself in his arms so no one can touch him, no one can hurt him.

It confuses him even more. No, he doesn’t like Lisa. He can’t like her, she’s his best friend. He can’t like her when his other best friend likes her too.

Yugyeom repeated the words as if Bambam’s not hurting enough.

“I like Lisa.”


	4. Lisa and Yugyeom

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” Yugyeom asked for probably the fifteenth time on their way home from the gym. Not counting the three times he repeated it when Bambam didn’t answer at first. Bambam wished he’d stop tormenting him.

They’re at the convenience store getting their bikes. Bambam couldn’t blame Yugyeom though, half of the time that he asked if it’s okay was answered in silence. The other half was either Bambam teasing Yugyeom or giving him funny looks.

Bambam rode his bike and cycled away, trying to escape the question he can’t quite answer.

 “It’s cool, bro. Don’t worry.” Bambam said, pausing then turning back at Yugyeom. “Great, actually. You’re my best friends. It’s cool.” He assured himself more than Yugyeom.

If there’s any consolation, it’s Yugyeom’s childlike grin. Bambam couldn’t help but to smile too.

“Now go home, lover boy. You’re so cheesy. Ew.” Bambam said turning back to the road, pedaling as hard as he can. He just hopes Yugyeom didn’t notice it since he’s up in the clouds anyway.

That night, Bambam went straight to bed. He skipped dinner, didn’t even say hi to Lisa when they got home from the city. He slumped himself in his bed, twisted and turned but couldn’t hit the slumber. Not when there’s a thousand things going on his mind. Not when his chest is hurting so bad he can’t explain.

He hasn’t even figured out how he feels for Lisa and now Yugyeom likes her too. What should he do? Should he tell Lisa about it? Does he really like her? Has he really fallen in love with his best friend? And if he do, what about Yugyeom? Should he give way for the two of them?

That thought sent a hurricane in his chest. He doesn’t know how Lisa feels. But he has seen it. Seen the way Lisa looks at Yugyeom. The way she laughs when Yugyeom cracks a lame joke. Her eyes glow, her smile too bright it’s almost blinding. He felt his chest tight, as if his heart is shrinking.

Bambam didn’t sleep a second that night, his hand firm on his chest the whole night, sulking in his first heartbreak.

***

Bambam looked for ways to distract himself which ended up with him distancing himself to his best friends who he thinks are having just the same—if not more—fun without him. So one Thursday afternoon after class, when the three of them are supposed to pick up Bowi from the animal shelter after weeks of regaining health, Bambam excused himself telling he can’t go with them since he has to work for his finals. He even winked at Yuygeom behind Lisa’s back as if he’s really giving the two of them alone time. He felt slap in his chest while doing so though.

It wasn’t a lie though, because Bambam is now in the school library doing his pair-work finals for Literature.

“Uhm, hello? Bambam?” Nana called, waving and snapping her fingers right in front of Bambam’s face. “Are you listening?”

Nana is his partner for his Literature finals. Mrs. Dublin took the liberty to assign the pairings and Bambam was lucky enough to be paired to the class’ top student.

“Are you even here? You’re so zoned out. You look so bothered.” Nana added as Bambam lazily turned to her. Physically, yes. Mentally, he’s spying Lisa and Yugyeom right now who’s probably enjoying their first date while he’s stuck in this boring library analyzing the love story of the two most stupid people—in his opinion—on earth who was too blinded by love that they didn’t end up together. He still thinks this is better though than being a third wheel to his best friends.

“I thought I’m the wall here.” Nana spoke again not waiting for Bambam to answer.

“Wall? What?” Bambam asked curiously, finally letting himself away from his worries.

“Yes, a wall.” Nana said as-a-matter-of-factly. “You don’t remember? Freshman year? You called me a wall.”

“What?” Bambam asked again in awe. He didn’t really forget. He actually remembers it vividly but he just couldn’t believe Nana is still bringing it up right now.

“We were partners in lab and in the evaluation you wrote ‘She doesn’t talk, like I’m paired with a wall. But we aced the activities so it’s cool.” Nana quoted it perfectly. Bambam has his mouth hanging open in awe and disbelief. “It was supposed to be confidential but Mr. Rodriguez loved it so much he decided to share it to class. Everyone started calling me wall since.”

“What?” Bambam said in disbelief. “No one calls you a wall anymore. You’re hardworking Nana, leader Nana, Miss Perfect Nana now.”

Bambam is not even lying. Nana tops the class since freshman year, a student leader, with just the right amount of extracurricular participation as the head of the photography club which she pioneered in the school. In short, she is one of the goody-good grade conscious students that already knows what they want in life the moment they got in high school.

Bambam remembers when they were lab partners. It wasn’t made up though, other than asking Bambam if he knows how to do the activities—which he always answer with a shake—Nana didn’t talk much. She’s basically a wall who’s good with science. But as Bambam tries to remember, she’s probably not so much like a wall. She’s just really quiet, often laughing at his lame jokes. Thinking back, he felt a bit guilty for calling her wall, she probably felt really bad if it’s still bothering her now.

“Whatever.” Nana said. “No harm done anyways, I’m just good remembering things.” She said shrugging. “Anyways, you look bothered.” She looked closer to Bambam. “Whoa. You look really bothered. I’m worried.”

“Why would you be worried?” Bambam said a bit agitated that she’s bugging him.

“Of course I am. We’re talking about our finals here which is too complex for me to do alone. I have grades to keep you know.” Nana said without a flinch.

Bambam sighed. “If it’s too complicated for you and how do you think it’ll be for me?”

Nana rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have anyone to talk to about whatever’s bothering? Like Yugyeom?”

Bambam groaned hearing his name. “What if he’s the problem?”

“Oh, tea.” Nana said. She put down her pen then turned to Bambam. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No. You’re nosy.” Bambam said looking away.

“Fine. If you don’t want then at least psyche yourself you’ll help me or just go sulk at home.” Nana dared.

Bambam looked away slouching in his chair. Thought a thousand times before taking a deep breath.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone.” Bambam finally said. He didn’t know what drives him to tell Nana and why is he even, of all people, talking about his personal problems with her. All he knows is that he’s been taking it all in his own he has to rant to someone.

Nana leaned in, rested her elbow in the table to she’s facing Bambam. “Trust me. Walls are the best listeners. We listen and don’t talk about it to anyone.”

Bambam rolled his eyes and took another deep breath. “So, I have a bestfriend—“

“Yeah, Yugyeom?” Nana asked.

“No.”

“He’s not your bestfriend?”

“What? No. Can you please let me finish first?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I have _another_ best friend, Lisa. Have you heard about her?” Bambam asked.

“Huh? No. Why would I know her?” Nana answered innocently.

“Nothing,” Bambam said shaking his head. He haven’t talked about Lisa to _everyone_ then, he realized. “Anyway, I’ve known her since we were kids and we saw each other again for the first time in five years just a few weeks ago. Then we spent a lot of times together like we used to when we were kids.” Bambam spits the words fast thinking that he might chicken out expressing his feelings if he take his time. “So we hangout, me, her and Yugyeom. It was fun...at first. Until I started feeling weird when she’s around. I don’t know, I can’t explain what it is. But I’m seeing her with Yugyeom and they get along really well and I started feeling more weird. Then...”

Nana patiently waited for him to continue despite foreseeing where it’s all going.

“Then Yugyeom told me he likes Lisa and I suddenly felt my chest tight and it’s hurting like I couldn’t breathe.” Bambam finished with a low, almost in audible voice.

Nana’s face turned upside down. Pity is evident her eyes. Bambam hated it but also feels like he deserves it.

“So you like Lisa?” Nana asked.

“No.” Bambam answered hesitantly. It was almost he’s convincing himself. “She’s Lisa.”

Nana rolled her eyes at Bambam’s too confident answer. “Okay. Then do you like Yugyeom?”

“What? No!” Bambam exclaimed a bit too loud the librarian shushed them. He lowered his head to Nana. “What are you talking about? I’m straight.”

Nana tried so hard to stop herself from chuckling. “Just asking, that could be exactly what’s confusing you.”

Bambam shook his head in annoyance. “No. Yugyeom is like my brother.”

“Then, I think you know exactly what’s going on, what’s bothering you but you’re just in denial. Can’t blame you though.” Nana concluded shrugging as she leans back her chair.

“What are you talking about?” Bambam asked, annoyed by the fact that it was so easy for Nana to figure it out when it’s been bothering him like hell for days now. He hated it even more than she’s saying he is in denial because a part of him admits that he is. That he’s just waiting for someone to spit out the truth that he can’t face.

Nana rolled her eyes. “Yugyeom’s like a brother.” She repeated. “So is Lisa like a sister then?”

It hit Bambam hard. He felt his stomach churning, his palms dry and cold. They know each other more than anyone else but, no, he never thought about Lisa as his sister. He thought about his younger sister, Baby, compared his relationship with her and his relationship with Lisa. No, he can’t be allowed to feel the way he feels for Lisa to his sister. The idea creeps him out. He can never think of Lisa as his sister but one thing’s for sure, she isn’t just his best friend anymore.

 

 

“Bambam’s not here yet.” Lisa said shaking her head after checking inside the house.

She and Yugyeom just got back after picking up Bowi at the shelter. Yugyeom was so excited to show Bowi to Bambam, how she look so much healthier than she was two weeks ago.

“He must taking his finals seriously.” Lisa added

“Nah.” Yugyeom said wrinkling his nose. Bowi is sleeping in his arms. “He’s paired with Nana—the top student. He’s probably so stressed right now.”

“Oh, good for him then.” Lisa muttered.

They stood there at the porch for a while, embracing the awkwardness. Neither of them wants to bid goodbye but no one knows what to do.

“Uhm Lisa,” Yugyeom finally said. “You want to go stroll a bit? I mean if we can leave Bowi here for a while since she’s still asleep. So..?”

Lisa looked behind her, inside the house as if to check something before answering.

“Sure.” She answered with a smile.

“Don’t you think Bambam is acting a bit weird lately?” Lisa asked Yugyeom. They’ve been walking around the area for almost an hour before they agreed to wait for Bambam at the convenience store.

“Weird? Not really.” Yugyeom answered enjoying the ice cream they bought. It was a lie though because he notices it too. He notice it when Bambam walks faster than them, leaving him and Lisa behind; when he always look out at the window instead of joining his and Lisa’s conversations; he notices it when he’s being too quiet unlike his loud self. He noticed it since he confessed about her feelings for Lisa and it’s worrying him that Bambam is acting that way because of him.

“Don’t you think like he’s always grumpy lately?” Lisa asked. “Has he always been like that? I mean, sure, we’ve been friends for so long but half of the time, we spent away from each other. I feel like there’s a lot to him that I don’t know anymore.” Lisa confessed, disappointment is evident in her voice. “Do you think he’s annoyed that I’m here?”

Yugyeom shook his head grinning. “Impossible. Did you know how excited he was when he found out you’re here? He’s ecstatic! I’m not even exaggerating he would jump around if he could it was so funny.”

“He’s such a dork.” Lisa said, laughing. “This is so weird, you know? Me asking you about Bambam when I swear I know him all my life.”

“It’s okay. You can’t know everything.” Yugyeom assured.

“You mean you guys are hiding stuff from me?” Lisa teased, side-eyeing Yugyeom.

Yugyeom felt his ears burn. They’re definitely hiding something. Like him liking Lisa, for example.

“Tha—that’s not what I mean.” Yugyeom explained stuttering.

Lisa chuckled. “Nah. It’s fine. Boys can have secrets. I’m glad Bambam met you, he wasn’t much sad anymore when he met you. And when I leave again...” her voice trailing lower.

Yugyeom didn’t say anything. He knows Lisa’s stay isn’t permanent, that she will leave soon and be back traveling the world. But he didn’t want it to happen, at least not too soon.

Yugyeom brought all the strength to ask a simple question.

“Right.” Yugyeom started. “When are you leaving?” It sounded a lot more abrupt than he intended but it’s too late to take it back now.

“Do you want me to leave already? So you and Bambam can go back to your boys’ stuff?” Lisa asked, putting down her ice cream.

Yugyeom turned pale and his hands as cold as stone. Did he say the wrong thing? Is this the end of something he haven’t even started yet?

“No! No! That’s not what I mean!” Yugyeom defended. “I’m just...” he trailed off thinking of an excuse but he couldn’t think of anything, afraid he might end up saying the wrong thing again. But sometimes, the truth just came out well. “I don’t want you to leave.” He blurted out of his will

Lisa chuckled lightly, her eyes lighting up. “I’m just messing with you.” She said nudging Yugyeom a bit then continued eating her ice cream. Yugyeom let out a sigh of relief, not even bothering to hide it. “So you dont like me to leave, huh?”

Yugyeom froze in the middle of licking his ice cream. He’s busted. “I—I mean,” Yugyeom tried to explain looking for words to explain how he truly feels.

Lisa anxiously wait for his answer, afraid that he might answer something that she won’t like but wishing he’ll say something that will make her heart beat out of his chest.

Yugyeom took a deep breath before putting down his ice cream that has long melted since his crisis earlier.

“Lisa,” he started.

“Hm?” Lisa is almost inaudible. Her throat is dry from nervousness of waiting.

“I...uhm...Lisa. I know we just met but I really think you’re a really great person. You’re nice. And you laugh like a kid it’s making you so cute. You’re very warm and fun to talk to...” Yugyeom was talking too fast his just spitting his words. “Bambam will laugh at me. I’m just babbling but I guess what I’m trying to say is that...”

Yugyeom trailed off. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at the sky. It was only then that he realized it’s already dark now. He should be bringing Lisa back home but the night is perfect; the sky is dark but hundreds of stars make paints it making it a bit bright; the wind is cold but not really chilling, just enough to not make them hot. He turned to Lisa, she’s looking at the sky too, a sweet smile is seen across her face as she looks at the stars. She looks so calm admiring the stars.

“The stars are so beautiful.” Lisa mumbled.

The sky is beautiful but, in Yugyeom’s eyes, it has nothing to say to Lisa’s beauty. In that moment, Yugyeom swear to God he’ll do anything not to lose that smile.

“I like you. I like you Lisa.”

He felt relieved for a second before worry strike back in his chest. He suddenly regretted telling Lisa and worried that she’ll distance herself to her. She might be offended that someone she barely knew suddenly confesses to her.

Lisa, however, was up in the clouds. She couldn’t believe what she just heard. She couldn’t help herself from smiling but at the same time worried that she might have heard the wrong thing. Her heart started beating faster and louder she’s worried Yugyeom might hear it.

It’s ridiculous. She can’t believe it herself too. It’s irrational, it’s impossible. How can she have feelings for his best friend’s best friend she just met? But that’s exactly how she feels. She didn’t noticed it at first but later on she found herself looking forward to the afternoons they spend together. She started dressing up even though they’re just spending the time at home.

She couldn’t believe it but couldn’t blame herself either. Yugyeom is warm and funny and comforting but at the same time makes her heart beat faster as if she’s been running on the treadmill for hours. She hated how she feel at first though. It’s just so complicated. He’s Bambam’s best friend, and she’s not staying for good—it just isn’t the right time and the right moment. And what if he doesn’t like her back? She tried to stop it but realized she couldn’t. So instead, she just simply accepted it like a happy crush with no intention of telling him—that will save her from a probable heartbreak. So she spent each day dreading for the day that she has to leave.

But this very moment under the moonlight and within the cold breeze of summer air, with innocent words said, everything changes.

“I like you too, Yugyeom.”

Lisa didn’t think about it anymore, it just felt like those are the words that this moment is asking for.

There is silence. It took Yugyeom a few moments to process what he just heard, to convince himself that the words he heard is true.

“Really?!” Yugyeom asked. He was ecstatic. It was as if he was up in the softest cloud. Nothing can spoil his mood. His heart beats faster than a train. His cheeks burning and eyes welling with tears for smiling too hard.

Lisa just nodded, covering his mouth with her hand to hide her wide smile.

Yugyeom wanted to shout, jump and even dance. His whole body is feeling an excitement he never felt before. He wanted to throw his arms around Lisa but realized it’s too sudden and it might spoil the mood.

Neither of them knows what to do. It was awkward, very awkward. But within the awkward atmosphere, two pair of hands are trembling, two smiles are flashing so wide. Two hearts are beating at same pace, for each other. It was awkward but for two young lovers, everything was perfect.


	5. Bambam. Yugyeom.

“I like you.”

“I like you too, Yugyeom.”

The words pierced through Bambam's chest like knives. He froze to where he is standing, just a few steps behind his two best friends. His knees grew weak, he wanted to scream, to cry, to fall, to turn back time just a little bit earlier and spend more time at the library so he won't hear this, so he won't let his best friends hurt him without knowing it.

Why does he have to walk in when they're declaring their love for each other only to hurt himself? He's sure they are waiting for him, he was certain. He appreciated it. In fact, he wanted to just throw himself to them as soon as he saw them from a far. He misses them so much. All these drama is making him miss them despite being with them all the time. But did he really have to hear this?

He felt his chest tight, like his heart sinking smaller and smaller. He hates it. Hates being in this place at this moment. He hates himself for feeling this way but it's too late. He realized he cannot stop himself anymore. He realized it's too late to save himself from this heartbreak. It hurts so much but at the same time he didn't want to interrupt them, didn't want to destroy the magical moment they're having. Because no matter how it kills him inside, he sees their smiles, their eyes beaming with joy and hope. They are his best friends, he wants to be happy for them, congratulate them, and tease them even.

But he can't. Doing so will just torment him, grind the remaining pieces of his already-broken heart. So just this once, he decided to be selfish. He left his bike and ran away without letting the two notice his presence. He sprint home, straight to his room, slamming the door. He threw himself in his bed not even bothering to change. His hand wrinkling his shirt too much from gripping his chest. The pain is driving him crazy, he needed to let it out, at least talk about it to someone. Someone who will understand him, but when the two people who understands him the most are the same people that makes him feel this way, all that's left for him is to indulge the pain.

Bambam probably heard a million knocks on his door but none of it was answered. At one point, he even heard Lisa annoyingly shouting his name but he’s having none of it. At least this once, he wanted to shut the world around him and just listen to his heart shattering into million pieces.

 

 

The next morning, Bambam planned to skip breakfast but he’s too tired to make up excuses to his Mom so instead he halfheartedly sat for breakfast and told her he was just too tired from school. He would like to call in sick for the day but that would just mean spending the day with Lisa at home and he just can’t face her right now so he just tried his best to get up from bed and get ready for school. His prayers worked and Lisa didn’t join them for breakfast. She and her mom went out again to visit someone in the city.

But he doesn’t want to deal Yugyeom either, at least not now. So instead of coming to class, he spent the whole day at the old gym, sneaking behind the guard so he won’t get caught. He spent the day throwing hoops angrily, exhausting himself hoping that it will make him feel better and bring him back in his right mind.

It sucks. It sucks falling in love with his best friend. Some people might find it good, falling for your best friend. Bambam, in fact, thinks it’s never too hard to fall for Lisa. She could be a little weird and quirky at times but that’s her charm. He hates it when she’s always being too nice but no one can really help it that her heart is warm for everyone. Bambam smiles at himself thinking about these. He’s such a fool to realize just now that Lisa is beautiful, so much more beautiful than what meets the eye. It’s so easy to fall for her.

Then he remembered Yugyeom. It’s really no wonder that Yugyeom fell for Lisa. It sends daggers to his heart once again. They have fought a million times in the almost four years they have known each other—they fought over which is better at basketball, who is the greatest Marvel superhero, what’s the best Khalid song—everything but they never fought over a girl. Never. Sure they had a crush on the same girls before but it became sort of a silent agreement between them to drop it when they felt the other is liking her too. But it’s different right now. Bambam know every little thing about Yugyeom and he is more than sure that he never felt like this to anyone before. But he himself is also certain that he never liked anyone before as much as he likes Lisa.

It drives Bambam nuts, sending his mind into an abyss of nothingness. Always trying to look for answers but always fail finding them.

He got lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realized it was already the afternoon. Classes are over. He is sure Yugyeom would have been looking for him the whole day and if he found out he left the house but didn’t come to class, the first place he’ll go to look for him is the exact place where he is right now. The old gym.

As soon as he realized this, he took his bag and stormed out of the gym. But it’s too late because Yugyeom met him at the gate.

“Oh. Hey.” Yugyeom greeted, shock is painted across his face. “You’re here the whole day?”

“Uh, yeah. But I’m going now.” Bambam answered, walking past Yugyeom.

“What? Wait.” Yugyeom said grabbing Bambam by the arm. “Is there anything wrong?”

“What?” Bambam denied. “Nah, bro. I’m just tired.”

Yugyeom scoffed. “Bullshit. What, you’re tired from spending the whole day doing nothing?”

Bambam was caught off guard at the accusation. He’s suddenly felt all the blood in his body rise to his head.

“Leave me alone.” Bambam said trying to be calm. Turning away from Yugyeom’s grip.

Yugyeom took his arm again, grip tighter this time. “No.” His voice is stern. “Tell me what’s wrong, Bambam. I asked Lisa if you’re home but she said your mom told her you went to school but I couldn’t find you any of our classes.”

Bambam felt like someone stepped on his chest upon hearing Lisa’s name escaping Yugyeom’s mouth as if it belongs to his dictionary longer that in his own.

“You didn't even talked to her last night and threw tantrums again.” Yugyeom added. “We waited for you, by the way, for four hours. Only for Lisa’s mom to call us home ‘cause apparently you’re already home for almost two hours, sulking on your bed.”

Bambam scoffed, he hated how Yugyeom accuse him as if he didn’t had the time of his life last night.

“What the fuck is wrong, man?” Yugyeom asked, desperate. “You’ve been acting like this since...” he trailed off before continuing. “Since I told you about my feelings for Lisa.”

The steps in Bambam’s chest turn into heavy steps, running, stomping. It hurts so much that Yugyeom knows him too well.

Bambam scoffed again, making a disgust face which just brought Yugyeom to his edges.

“What the fuck, bro?” Yugyeom said hitting Bambam in the shoulder. “Why are you so angry at me liking Lisa? You don’t want it? I can’t like her?” Yugyeom started spitting questions. “I know Lisa is important to you but you also know me and I’m not some dickhead who will play with her heart if that’s what worrying you.”

Bambam shook his head, smirking. He just can’t believe they are having this conversation when all he wanted to do is to go home and shut everyone off hoping it will shut his unwanted feelings too.

“Then tell me, Bambam!” Yugyeom said, he is furious now. He hated the way Bambam is acting and hated it so much more that he doesn’t have any idea what’s going on with him. “Don’t act some immature asshole—tell me what the fuck is bothering you.”

Everything is heated up right now. None of the best friends want to surrender.

"I fucking like her too, Yugyeom." Bambam blurted out, words escaping his mouth faster than he could think. "And you like her and she likes you too and it's sending my brain into a fucking chaos, Yugyeom. So don't tell me I'm being an immature asshole 'cause you don't know how much I'm trying to be mature about this."

Yugyeom was astounded, his mouth left hanging open. He didn't know how to react, what to say and what to even feel about what he just heard. He'd like to believe he heard it wrong, that Bambam didn't just confess he likes Lisa too. For a second, he thought of going back to the day when he first caught feelings for Lisa, or even the first day he met her and change everything that he feels for her. But he can't afford that. Sure, it hasn't been long since he met Lisa, but he's sure of his feelings. He can't afford to lose Lisa. But he can't afford to lose Bambam either.

Bambam wanted to turn back time, if he could, he will go back a minute ago and stop himself from saying words he regret spitting right now. Heck, if he can turn back time, he will go back and stop himself for catching feelings for Lisa. But he can't do that now. It's too late to stop himself and words have been said, the damage has been done. He can see it clearly in Yugyeom's eyes, staring back at him, dark with horror. He felt his heart sank. It hurts thinking he's cheating with his best friends for not telling them the truth, but it hurts even more seeing one of them know and get hurt.

He can't do this. He doesn't want to see Yugyeom with so much anger in his eyes.

So he ran. He angrily took his arm away from Yugyeom's grip and stormed outside the old gym.

 

 

Bambam was lucky Lisa isn’t home yet when he arrived. He heard from his mom that they probably won’t be back until the end of the week. Which was good, he thought. He wouldn’t have to avoid Lisa, not even Yugyeom since he’s sure he is not going to talk to him for a while.

Bambam scoffed while lying in his bed, thinking about his argument with Yugyeom. He was frustrated and angry at himself. Why did he have to say that to Yugyeom? Why did he have to spit nonsense about liking Lisa when Yugyeom just said he likes her too?

He suddenly remembered the look in Yugyeom’s eyes. It was dark. He’s probably shocked, Bambam thought. But it’s more than just a shock. He has seen it, a couple of times, in fact. He has seen it when they’re in a heated one-on-one basketball game and Yugyeom doesn’t want to give way. He has seen it when there’s one piece of pizza left and he’s too hungry to give it away. It was petty, trivial situations but Bambam knows his best friend and it just told him he’s not backing down. Yugyeom’s dark stare just told him he’s not letting go of Lisa and it hurts Bambam even more. His head hurt and his chest felt like burning.

Bambam can’t take it anymore. It’s taking all his energy and will. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He has to tell someone about it. Back then, when Bambam got too annoyed at Yugyeom, Lisa was the first to know. He rants to her about anything, not even bothering if he’s talking about people Lisa doesn’t know. She always listens, tells him he’s an idiot but gives him an advice anyway. But he can’t tell Lisa about this and it just makes it worse.

He’s about to give up and sulk on his own when he remembered he has a paper to edit.

 

 

"Nana! Nana!" Bambam called as soon as he saw Nana in the school corridors by her locker. It's crazy that Nana is the first person he thought of thinking of someone to talk to about his feelings other than his best friends. He didn't even know if Nana will even listen to him. But she's the only person aware of all these and from their conversation the other day, she seems cool about being bothered with someone else's heart problems.

"Nana." He repeated when he's right beside Nana's locker. The locker's door blocking his view.

"What the f—!” Nana exclaimed when she shut her locker and found Bambam wide-eyed looking at her—surprised that foul words are about to escape her mouth.

“Bambam, what the heck? What happened?" she asked referring to how messed up Bambam looks so early in the morning.

"Disaster." Bambam answered. "I need to talk to you, please. This is driving me crazy."

Nana's shoulder dropped. Seeing Bambam like that makes her sad, seeing anyone sad makes her sad. The bell rang just before she answered, signaling the start of first period.

"Oh no, Bambam, can't it wait until later? Around lunch? I'm sorry." Nana asked.

"I need someone to talk to and you're the only person who knows and—can't you skip class?" Bambam suggested.

Nana looked at him with wide eyes, horrified. "Skip class? You're asking me to skip class? I never skip classes!" Nana answered.

Hearing it from someone else's mouth seems funny. Never did Bambam imagined that he will ask the class' top student to skip class just to talk about his love problems.

"What's our first subject today?" Bambam asked.

Nana rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Music."

"Great." Bambam said taking Nana's arm, dragging her to their classroom.

"Hey, hey," Nana said in discomfort, taking her arm away from Bambam's grip. "You never have to drag me to go to class." She said walking past Bambam as she enter the classroom.

A small smile escaped Bambam's lips. It amazes Bambam how Nana can still make him smile, even for a second, in the midst of his crisis.

Nana is going straight to her seat in the front row when Bambam took his arm again and dragged her to the last row.

"What?" Nana asked, worried.

"Compromise. Please?" Bambam pleaded and somehow, his gloomy eyes made Nana sit in the last row.

"This can't be happening." Nana whispered, mostly to herself. "Everyone is looking at me wondering."

"Why Nana is sitting beside Bambam? Tea." Bambam joked dryly.

But Nana doesn't seem to care and continued whispering to herself. “Nana is sitting in the last row?"

Bambam looked at her in disbelief before sighing.

"Are you sure you’re okay to talk about it in class? Everyone can hear you. And just in case you forget, Yugyeom is in this class too.” Nana repeated looking around.

"Nah. Who's awake at any eight am class? Except you, everyone else is in their own world at this time. Yugyeom?” He paused before continuing. “He won’t come to school today.”

Nana pursed her lips, reading between the lines. She’s certain something happened and it’s basically the reason why Bambam is so eager to talk to her. She looked at him shaking her head before taking her notebooks and pen from her bag.

Just like Bambam said, the class started and everyone else is in their own world. Even their teacher is not having anything for today. He just put on a documentary about some classical musician for the class to watch or basically sleep on.

When Bambam is about a hundred percent sure that everyone in class is preoccupied, he turned to Nana ready to talk only to find her buried in her notes, a folder in front of her head as if she's hiding.

"What are you doing?" Bambam asked, puzzled.

"Huh?" Nana said without looking up. "Math homework."

"You're doing your homework in class? Wow, I didn't know you do stuff like this, sneaky." Bambam said. He is also a bit surprised at himself on how he's keeping it together this morning even cracking savage remarks despite the fact that he's nearly dying last night.

"Don't accuse me like that as if you did your own at home. I bet you didn't even remember this and besides I fell asleep procrastinating last night that I forgot to do it." Nana continued.

Bambam opened his mouth to say something but ended up just closing it because she's right.

"I'll just finish this one last problem and we can talk about your problem." Nana said, still focused on her desk.

Bambam looked at Nana while she bury herself in math problems. He thought about how he used to hate solving equations and how he would rather solve those problems now instead of facing real-life problems. At least when it comes to algebra and geometry, you have a formula to follow. No matter how many times you get it wrong, just stick to the formula and you'll end up with the right answer. But in real life? There's no formula to follow, you're on your own. You will stumble a million times and you'll end up hurting yourself with no guarantee of solving what bothers you.

"Okay, I'm done." Nana said closing her notebook before turning to Bambam. Her shoulders fell when she saw how tired Bambam looks. It was as if he didn't sleep at all last night, like he was worn out doing nothing from the night before. Nana's face softened. "What happened?"

A smirk escaped from Bambam's lips, like there is a joke only he can understand. "I've got two bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Bad news or bad news?"

Nana frowned. "Bambam..."

Bambam looked at her expecting for an answer so she shook her head and played along.

"Okay let's see...bad news?" Nana said faking a smile.

Bambam sighed, he couldn't joke around anymore. "Yugyeom and Lisa confessed to each other—“

“Lisa likes Yugyeom too?” Nana interrupted Bambam.

Bambam nodded his head.

"Oh my God," Nana exclaimed putting her hand on her mouth. "They said that in front of you? That's tragic."

"No." Bambam rolled his eyes. "I just overheard them."

"What a bad luck. How do you feel?" Nana asked before realizing it is a stupid question.

"Honestly?" Bambam asked to which Nana nodded. "It fucking hurts like hell, Nana. It fucking hurts. My chest felt so tight, it's like someone was stomping it over and over again, not caring if it hurts."

"I'm sorry, that sucks." Nana said. She made a face before continuing. "The other bad news?"

Bambam rested head at the wall behind them. "I told Yugyeom about my feelings for Lisa and we kinda fought because of it."

"Oh, Bambam." It was all that Nana could say. She could feel how messed up Bambam feels right now. It is evident in the bags under his eyes, in his wounded dry lips which he probably bit, in his eyes dark and lonely. They weren't that close but she hated seeing him that way, especially when he's always been the class clown, giving everyone stomach aches because of laughing too much. It's a bit too much for her to handle, but she realizes there's no one else he can talk to so she just listened to him and tried her best to help him. "What do you plan to do now?" she asked.

"I don't know, what should I do, Nana?" Bambam asked. "Aren't friends supposed to give friends advice?"

"I don't know, Bambam.” Nana admitted. “Do you want to tell her?"

"Should I tell her?"

Nana couldn't answer. She doesn't know how and what to answer. There was silence. Bambam waited while Nana look for the right words to say.

Nana took a deep breath. "Do you think telling her will make you feel better?"

"Maybe? I don't know. But it'll mess everything up. Everything. Me and her. Yugyeom and her. Yugyeom and me—oh, that’s already messed up.”

"Exactly."

"But what if..." Bambam trailed off looking around, everyone else is still in their own world. He sighed letting the words escape his mouth. "What if she actually likes me too?"

"But she just confessed to Yugyeom." Nana reminded him. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know." Bambam said resting his head in his hands, he knows how ridiculous he sounds. "It's just, I don't know. I feel like I should tell her. I need to know what she thinks. I feel like I'm betraying her when I'm hiding something this big from her."

"But you know the consequences, right? You said it'll mess everything up. You know exactly how messed up it'll be, right?" Nana asked.

Bambam, instead of answering, looked at her expecting her to continue.

Nana sighed, took her pen before turning to Bambam's desk opening the notepad resting there.

"Can I?" Nana asked but started turning the pages looking for a blank page instead of waiting for Bambam's reply.

She started scribbling. "Look here," she said drawing a two number ones in the paper. "These are Yugyeom and Lisa. If let's say, love and confession is multiplication, one multiplied bty one," Nana said rewriting the numbers in an equation. "Is equals to one, right? It's an acceptable equation, Yugyeom and Lisa basically becoming one."

Bambam looked at Nana dead in the eye, not exactly seeing her point.

Nana ignored him and continued. “However, in this mathematical universe, you’re a zero—“

“Zero?” Bambam interrupted her. “You mean, I don’t have value? Thanks.”

Nana closed her eyes and sighed, she didn’t expect Bambam to be this sensitive. “ _For now_. Even zero has value, trust me.”

Bambam just stared at her.

“Anyway,” Nana continued. “You’re a zero, right? Zero, if you tried to multiply to one,” She said writing another equation. “Will be zero. If you take all the three variables in one equation,” She continued writing another equation below, not even bothering if Bambam can keep up. “One multiplied by one, multiplied by zero,”

Bambam’s eyes are fixed on the paper as Nana writes the new equation.

“Equals?” Nana suddenly looked from the paper to Bambam making him jump. “Equals?” she repeated.

Bambam exhaled heavily. “Zero.”

Nana smiled. “Exactly. Zero. Zero loses the value of all the variables.”

Bambam waited for Nana to continue but when she put down her pen and rest on her back, he rolled his eyes. “Can you stop being too smart for once and talk in a language I understand?" Bambam asked, sarcastically.

It's not that he don't understand, he does actually. It’s not rocket science and Bambam is confident he got a pretty decent grade in elementary mathematics. He understands what Nana is trying to point out, he just needed to hear it loud and clear to wake him up.

Nana rolled her eyes, sighing. “Do like Lisa enough to lose one, if not two, of the most important people in your life?”


	6. Lisa. Yugyeom.

“Finally.” Lisa said when Bambam finally answered her call. It was Lisa’s eighth call for the night. She has been trying to reach Bambam since his mom told her that he’s sick—which was yesterday. If you count the day before, Lisa was probably calling for the fiftieth time, or more. None of her calls are answered, not even her texts.

Bambam always thought that people sulking about heartbreaks are just being dramatic. Only now, as he lay on his bed all covered up with blanket up to his nose and hot with fever, does he realize that no one is ever overdramatic when it comes to heartbreak. He has been in his bed for the past two days. He hates being sick but for the first time in his life, he loved it since he has an excuse to shut everyone around him.

But Bambam felt like he’s been ignoring Lisa for too long. For the past three hours, he has been staring at his phone as Lisa calls, not wanting to answer it but didn’t want to reject it either. So he just stare at his phone ringing and ringing until his hand finally took the phone out of his will, thumb sliding to answer the call. He can never say no to Lisa.

“Are you okay?” Lisa worriedly asked. “Of course you’re not.”

Bambam can’t help but smile, he could see Lisa rolling her eyes as she plays with her hair over the phone. After everything, it’s still so easy for Lisa to amuse him.

“What happened?” Lisa asked.

Bambam inhaled. A lot of things happened and Lisa has no idea how much Bambam wants to tell her everything. _Yugyeom and I fought. He likes you so much than more than you can imagine. And I like you too. I like you and it hurts me so much more than you can imagine._ He wanted to say it all but none of it wants to escape his lips.

“Nothing.” Bambam exhaled. “I’m just tired, I guess.” It was an excuse but wasn’t entirely a lie. Bambam is tired. Tired from feeling so frustrated. Tired from running away from Yugyeom. Tired of feeling so bad for falling in love with his best friend.

“Are you sure?” Lisa asked. “Yugyeom told me you two haven’t talked too. Is everything okay?”

Bambam felt his heart tight again at the sound of Lisa’s voice saying Yugyeom’s name.

“You really like him, huh?” Bambam suddenly asked, not minding the thorns enveloping his heart with every word he utter.

“W-what?” Lisa stuttered. “That’s-that’s not even related to my question.”

“Oh, are you keeping secrets to me now? I’m hurt.” Jokes are always half meant but this time, Bambam means his joke wholeheartedly.

Lisa exhaled, truth is she can never hide anything from Bambam. “It’s so weird, Bam. You know me, I hate irrational things. I hate not thinking about stuff thoroughly before acting. But with Yugyeom...” she paused before continuing. “It’s different. I act before thinking. I do stuff I didn’t think I’ll ever do. I opened up my heart to animals again, Bambam. You know how much it hurt. But he somehow opened me up with it. I’m sorry, I know it’s crazy.”

There was silence after. Bambam can feel Lisa waiting anxiously for his answer. She’s waiting for something, like some acknowledgement of some sort from her best friend. Bambam didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to speak his heart to her but didn’t want to lie to her either.

“It is.” Bambam finally said. “Falling in love—it makes you feel things you never thought you’re capable of feeling. It makes you feel these things to the person you never thought you’ll fall for. It makes you do things you never thought you’ll do or your normal self will never allow you to do. But that’s exactly what’s falling in love is. It’s crazy and you should never feel sorry about it.”

Bambam didn’t know where those words came from. Maybe he just made those up because he’s desperate to make Lisa feel better about her feelings. Or maybe, it is exactly how Lisa makes him feel and he just needed to tell her about it in the most subtle way he can.

“Oh, Bambam.” Lisa sounds amused. “I didn’t know you have some Shakespeare in you.”

Bambam felt his cheeks grow hotter than his fever. “Whatever. Never mind. I’m just trying to make you feel better and you’re so easy to believe my nonsense.”

Lisa chuckled and it sounds like angels singing in Bambam’s ear, suddenly, he’s feeling better.

“Thank you.” Lisa said. “But you’re the one who’s sick and I shouldn’t be bothering you. So go back to sleep now and get well, okay?”

Bambam smiled weakly trying to hide the pain as if Lisa can see him. “Thanks, mom.”

“Whatever. Good night, Bammie.”

“Good night.”

“Thank you.” Lisa whispered before hanging up.

Bambam put his phone in his chest as he thought about Nana’s words.

_Zero loses the value of all variables_.

_Zero loses all._

 

***

 

It was a cold night. Bambam and Yugyeom are lying down at Bambam’s bedroom floor. They were fourteen and Yugyeom ran away from home after accidentally hearing that his parents are separating. Yugyeom actually saw it coming, their arguments became too frequent. Yugyeom hated it, his dad and mom screaming at each other as if he’s not there so he always run away and Bambam’s home has always been his hideout.

“Do you think my parents will still get back together?” Yugyeom asked dryly. He has been staring at the dark ceiling for almost an hour while Bambam has his eyes closed but couldn’t sleep. A pair of earphones are connected in their ears, some music is playing to help them sleep but is obviously not helping.

Bambam shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. Do you want them to?”

Yugyeom sighed tiredly. “I don’t know, too. I just don’t want them to be angry, you know? I don’t want them to be sad. I just want them to be happy.”

Bambam opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling like Yugyeom.

“And if being away from each other is what will make them happy then so be it.” Yugyeom said, holding back his tears.

“Oh, look at Yugyeomie being mature.” Bambam said snuggling on Yugyeom’s side trying to ease the awkwardness.

“Hey, Bambam!” Yugyeom protested, his tears turning into chuckles.

“Wow, you’re too mature for your best friend’s hug now?” Bambam pressed.

Yugyeom ignored him. “What if they got divorced? Where will I live?”

“Hm.” Bambam said straightening his back again. “You can live here.”

“Really? Your mom will allow me to stay here?” Yugyeom asked.

Bambam snorted. “Of course she will. She loves you so much I think she likes you more than her own son.”

“Even if I’m from a broken family?” Yugyeom asked so suddenly.

“What?” Bambam. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I mean, I won’t be who I am anymore.” Yugyeom can’t put into words how much it scares him. Sure it could be the best for his parents but what about him? Where will he live? Does he have to choose between his mom and dad? No, he cannot do that. He can never choose between them. Then he remembered the people’s stares, people will judge him. They will never look like him before. He’ll be the kid with the divorced parents, everyone will pity him and he’s just afraid his best friend will look at him that way too.

“What are you talking about? You’re Yugyeom and you will always be Yugyeom. You’re my best friend because you are Yugyeom. You’ll always be my best friend because you’re you.” Bambam explained. He thought he didn’t make sense but that’s just what Yugyeom needs to hear.

Yugyeom smiled, wrinkling his nose.

They were silent again for a while until they heard a fart sound.

“Hey! What the f—man!” Bambam exclaimed throwing a pillow at Yugyeom.

Yugyeom caught the pillow and threw it back at Bambam lightly then hugging him, squeezing the pillow between them.

“Ew man!” Bambam protested, trying to escape Yugyeom’s hug but he’s too tall and his slender legs are enveloping him now.

“Hey, do you hate me now for farting?” Yugyeom asked, releasing Bambam. “You hate your best friend for farting?”

Instead of answering, another loud fart echoed the dark room.

“Bambam!” Yugyeom laughed hysterically.

“No, your best friend farts with you.” Bambam answered and it was his turn to wrap his slender legs at Yugyeom.

 

 

This is the longest time in the years that they have known each other that Bambam hasn’t talked to Yugyeom. He hasn’t talked to him since their confrontation. Normally, when he gets sick, Yugyeom visits home to help Bambam’s mom take care of him and basically annoy him despite being sick. This time though, Bambam doesn’t even know if Yugyeom know he’s sick. He’s probably wondering why he’s not coming to school but Bambam’s not even sure if he’s going to school. He’s probably still annoyed that he will skip school just to not see Bambam. He thinks it’s the best though, it’s a lot better than coming to school and avoiding each other while everyone’s eyes are on them.

But truth is, Bambam misses Yugyeom as much as he misses Lisa and he hates how their innocent friendship turned so complicated. He just wanted to play basketball with Yugyeom so bad.

Bambam stood from his bed and turned the lights off, ready to sleep and hoping his fever will be gone tomorrow. He lay down on his bed, staring blankly at the dark ceiling thinking about just battling it out in a basketball game with Yugyeom. He exhaled tiredly because he knows that even if he wins in the game, Yugyeom will still win over Lisa’s heart.

 

***

 

Bambam is just a few steps away their house—coming home from doing an errand—when he saw Lisa coming out of the front door. He stopped walking in surprise to see her home. He has been waiting for them to come home the whole day and it looks like they just got home while he’s away. But none of it matters, all of a sudden, all the heaviness in his heart is gone. He felt light, even giddy at the sight of his best friend. He has just been home for the past three days, but somehow, seeing Lisa is what screams home.

Bambam raised his hands up and waved enthusiastically at Lisa but her mind is wandering in the air. She continued walking straight past him.

Bambam was caught off guard. He can’t really believe that she didn’t see him. As far as he remembers, he’s too tall to be ignored. He turned to where Lisa is walking but she’s lost in his own world.

Bambam ran to his porch as fast as he could and left the bag of potatoes his mother asked him to buy, not even bothering to call her and tell her about the it.

“Lisa!” Bambam called, panting as he tried to keep up with Lisa’s long strides.

Lisa didn’t even flinch. She was definitely wandering in her own world. It worried Bambam. Lisa isn’t the type to casually take a stroll alone without minding her surroundings. It was probably because she travels a lot but Lisa is street smart. She’s always observant around her surroundings and is always aware of what is happening even in a hundred meters away from her. But as she wrap her arms around her, taking fast but weak steps, Bambam knew that something is definitely wrong and it worries him even more.

Instead of getting Lisa’s attention, Bambam just quietly followed her from behind. Bambam has no idea where Lisa plans to go but it looks like Lisa didn’t know where to go too. She just walked ahead, with no direction at all. Despite living in this place for a couple years, Lisa probably have forgotten the corners of this town and Bambam is afraid she will end up getting lost if she keeps on walking mindlessly.

Bambam closed the gap between them wanting to call her attention but there is something stopping him from pulling Lisa from her daydream. It seems like she’s not really in this moment but she’s actually far away, deep in her thoughts. Bambam couldn’t understand but Lisa seems like she needed this to herself. So he just continued following her.

They come across the path to the elementary school in town. It’s not too late in the afternoon and there are still kids wandering around and playing. Lisa was just passing by a group of kids playing when a kid threw a ball and it went flying to Lisa’s direction. Bambam panicked and threw himself beside Lisa to shield her from the ball. It didn’t hurt much, granted that the one who threw is probably around five years old. Three boys went running to him after apologizing, talking over each other. Bambam bent down before the boys reached him to get the ball and gave it back to them with smile, saying they should be careful next time.

When Bambam stood and turned to his side, Lisa is nowhere to be found. Panic was sent all over Bambam’s body. He clenched his fist as he look around aggressively. Everything started to spin around him, blurring. It was only when the boys in front of point ahead that he saw Lisa. Bambam’s shoulders dropped in sudden relief. Lisa is a few yards away and is about to cross the street.

Panic strikes back throughout Bambam’s body when he realized that the stoplight are green and Lisa is about to carelessly cross the street, amidst the fast cars.

Bambam put his long legs to use and ran as fast as he can. As he come closer and closer to Lisa, Lisa moves closer and closer to the pedestrian lanes too. She has no plans on stopping, and so are the vehicles.

Bambam felt like crying, his heart bursting in his chest. He doesn’t understand what’s going on with Lisa and hates that she’s acting this way. He can’t imagine seeing Lisa get hurt. He can’t imagine Lisa getting hurt and him failing to help her.

He’s just a few more steps away from Lisa, vehicles are fast moving, Lisa is still mindlessly in her own world. Bambam is losing his time, Lisa is already a few steps in the intersection.

As soon as Lisa is within his reach, Bambam grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the sidewalk, protecting her in his arms.

“What the fuck, Lisa?!” Bambam screamed as his grip became tighter around Lisa. “What’s wrong with you?”

Bambam’s heart is beating so fast, too fast that he’s afraid Lisa can feel it too. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even care that people around them are giving them looks. He was scared and knowing that Lisa is safe in his arms right now is what can calm him down.

“Bambam,” Lisa whispered, trying to escape Bambam arms weakly.

Bambam just holds her tighter the more she resist. It didn’t take long before Lisa surrendered, collapsing in Bambam’s arms.

“Bambam,” she repeated before burying her head in Bambam’s chest.

 

 

Bambam wanted to bring Lisa home but she insisted not to. So they instead went to a diner in the heart of town and grabbed dinner. Lisa didn’t have her wallet with her and Bambam was lucky there were a bit of change from the money his mom gave him to buy the potatoes. He can at least afford to but dessert to, hoping it’ll make Lisa feel better. He pleaded that she could at least tell him what’s going on but Lisa didn’t speak a word about what is wrong. She was telling all sorts of things that happened to her in the city during the time she was away; all while faking a smile.

Lisa never bothered to wear a mask in front of Bambam, he can always see through him anyway. But just tonight, just this time, Lisa is putting on a fake smile, convincing herself more than anyone that she’s okay.

So Bambam played along. He asked how was Lisa’s week. Listened to her every nonsense story about her mom’s friend’s son who just pestered her the whole week. Bambam is convinced the boy has a crush on her but didn’t mention it. They talked like they are just plain teenagers messing with each other instead of each other’s feelings.

“We’re leaving.”

They were in the middle of dessert when Lisa broke the silence.

Bambam looked up from the banana split he’s devouring when he heard it.

“What?” Bambam asked, his eyes wide open. No, he didn’t really want to hear it again.

Lisa smiled, fighting back her tears. “Dad was reassigned on another place. A little bit farther this time.”

“Where?” Bambam put his spoon down then clenched his fist on top of the table.

“Peru.” Lisa answered.

“Peru?” Bambam’s clenched turned tighter. “That’s too far! Isn’t that in Europe?”

Lisa chuckled, forcing the tears to fall from her eyes. “It’s in South America, dummy.”

“Whatever.” Bambam said shaking away his minor mistake. “That’s so far. We’re gonna be in a whole different time zones.”

They’ve been away from each other for the past five years and most of it, Lisa’s family was traveling just around Asia. Distance was a problem but time isn’t much. They’re just a few hours away and it’s always easy to catch up. This will be the first time that they’re going to be divided by the day and night and just thinking about it challenges Bambam already. It doesn’t also help his growing feelings for Lisa.

Or does it? Maybe it will be better? Being away can help him ease his feelings little by little. But how about Lisa and Yugyeom?

“We made it work, Bambam.” Lisa said. “And we’re gonna make it work no matter what.” Lisa’s voice is full of assurance but her eyes are mirroring something else, like it’s looking somewhere else; worrying about something else.

Bambam’s eye caught Lisa’s hands. Her hands are resting in front of her at the top of the table, her brownie a la mode has long been forgotten. She has her hands clasped together, her fingers fidgeting. It hurt Bambam seeing her like this. It frustrated him. He was desperate to take away all her worries and just make him feel better.

“Then what’s bothering you?” Bambam asked as if he doesn't know the answer, as if he doesn’t know that the answer will break his heart.

Lisa smiled weakly instead of answering.

It just hurt him anymore but he’s going to ask anyway.

“How about you and Yugyeom?” The words were harsh in Bambam’s throat.

Lisa looked at Bambam straight in the eye before bowing down as tears fell down her cheeks.

Bambam was furious. He clenched his fists even tighter, creating crescent marks on his palm. He has never seen Lisa this broken and the sight it breaks his heart.

“Did you know what Yugyeom asked me when I told him I’m back?” Lisa mumbled, looking back at Bambam.

Bambam looked away. He has been waiting for Lisa to come home and it’s painful to hear that the first person she talked to when she got back was Yugyeom. Not him.

_Zero has no value_. His head hurts as the words echo in his brain. He really has no value anymore.

“He asked me to go on a date.” Lisa continued, her voice cracking while Bambam’s heart is shattering.

Bambam couldn’t say anything. He wanted to comfort Lisa, to make her feel better. But he finds it hard when he himself is desperate for comfort at the same moment.

Lisa swallowed. “But I broke things off with him.”

Bambam’s released his fists, turning back at Lisa. Shock was evident in his eyes.

Lisa scoffed. “Can you believe I broke something that haven’t even started?”

Bambam didn’t answer and just looked at Lisa. He is just starting to see what’s the sadness in Lisa’s eyes is from. It is not fear, not fear of being away from Yugyeom. It's regret, pain. She did something she didn’t want and it broke her heart.

“I got scared, Bam.” Lisa started. “I got scared of getting hurt and of hurting him. I didn’t want it to happen so I just ended it.”

_But you still ended up getting hurt. And you hurt Yugyeom too._ Bambam wanted to say but he knows that Lisa didn’t need to hear those, at least not yet.

“I told him I didn’t like him. That I was just confused.” Lisa continued. “But it hurts so much, Bambam. It hurts so much.” Lisa rested her head on her palms and started sobbing.

There was a fire inside Bambam’s chest. He wants to throw a fit at whoever is making Lisa feel this way but it’s nobody but her and it hurts him even more that Lisa has to hurt herself this way.

Bambam moved from his seat in front of Lisa to the empty seat beside her. He put his arm around Lisa and pulled her close, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be another goodbye and I’m just so tired of walking away.” Lisa confessed. “I’m so tired of getting attached to people just to leave them behind.”

It was only then that Bambam realized how hard it must have been for Lisa. Goodbyes are never easy but it’s something so normal for Lisa. It’s normal but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. It has always been hard for her. Bambam is a witness. Lisa always rants at him whenever she is about to leave a place and how much she struggle saying goodbye. He remembered the granny neighbor who always gives her cookies, the British girl she met in class who became her instant friend, the receptionist at one of the condo they stayed at, her Literature teacher she admired so much—all the people that became a part of her life but she had to bid goodbye at one point.

And now, Yugyeom becomes one of them. He made a mark in her life and now she has to say goodbye to him too. But Yugyeom is different. He isn’t just a part of her life. Lisa wanted him to be part of her future too, Bambam knows that. Even if it hurts him so much. Yugyeom has took so much space in Lisa’s heart that she cannot afford to say goodbye to him anymore and it scare her. The idea of goodbye being inevitable scared her so she stopped it. She stopped it and it cost her happiness.

On the contrary, Bambam realized, it's probably what made their friendship stronger. In the midst of temporary people, Bambam is probably the only—aside from her family—constant in Lisa’s life. It’s the magic of their friendship; they make that impossible possible. At this point Bambam realized that they can be separated by oceans, or mountains, or even time, but they will never ever be broken. Bambam will never let that happen. So as he gently pats Lisa’s head, he made a silent promise to Lisa and himself—he will never let go of Lisa’s hand. Never. Even if it means throwing away his feelings for her.

Losing Lisa isn’t what scares him anymore; Lisa losing him does.


	7. Yugyeom and Lisa

Bambam has made up his mind that he will do everything to make Lisa feel better. He promised himself he would do everything to help her and Yugyeom even if it means dying inside. He has never seen Lisa that heartbroken and he doesn’t even care about his feelings anymore, he just don’t want to see her like that ever again.

So on Monday morning at school, the first person he looked for was Yugyeom. When he arrived at their classroom, Yugyeom is already sitting at his seat, second to the last row beside the window. He is looking outside the window, staring blankly at the sky. Bambam doesn’t know if Yugyeom will even talk to him, he doesn’t even know how to talk to him after what happened but he’s going to do it anyway.

Bambam took a deep breath before entering the room and walked straight to Yugyeom’s place.

“Hey.” He awkwardly greeted as he approach Yugyeom but as soon as Yugyeom felt his shadow approaching, he stood up from his chair, walked past Bambam and went straight out of the classroom.

Classes won’t start in half an hour so everyone is scattered around the classroom, in their own worlds but there is still a few who caught the scene and flashed puzzling looks as to why the clingy best friends seem off with each other this morning. One of them was Nana who subtly gave Bambam a worried look. Bambam simply answered her and the others with a playful shrug before following Yugyeom outside.

“Yugyeom!” Bambam called, trying his best to sound cheerful.

Yugyeom is not having any of it though and kept on ignoring Bambam who’s already panting now as he try to keep up with Yugyeom.

They were in a narrow corridor when Bambam got hold of Yugyeom’s arm.

“Hey, Yugyeom.” Bambam said keeping his voice calm.

“Get off me.” Yugyeom said aggressively moving away from Bambam’s grip.

“What?” Bambam exclaimed surprised at Yugyeom’s attitude.

“ _What?_ ” Yugyeom said mocking Bambam. “Are you the only one allowed to throw tantrums now?”

Bambam sighed, surrendering.

“Just listen to me, okay?” Bambam pleaded.

Yugyeom didn’t answer and Bambam used it as a signal to continue.

“I heard what happened to you and Lisa.” Bambam mumbled.

Yugyeom snapped. “So are you happy now?”

“What?” Bambam snapped back before sighing once again, gathering all the patience in his body. He knows that Yugyeom is just upset. Besides, he just told him that he likes Lisa too, he couldn’t blame Yugyeom if he thinks that way. “That’s not what I mean.”

Yugyeom answered with a scoff.

“You know she doesn’t mean it.” Bambam blurted out, surprising Yugyeom.

Yugyeom just stared at Bambam, measuring if he’s serious or trying to see what his real intensions are. He didn’t expect Bambam to be on his side after all that happened.

Bambam looked away, avoiding Yugyeom’s stare. He’s afraid that Yugyeom will see he’s still hurting.

“She can be a bit stupid sometimes. She just scared to hurt people so she try to stop it but she ends up hurting them anyway and even herself.” Bambam explained.

Yugyeom just stared at him, taking all what Bambam just said. He’s finding it hard to believe that what Bambam just said is the exact opposite of what Lisa told him that night. But he’s more surprised, that of all people, Bambam is the one talking to him about it and sounding like he wants to fix it too.

That’s exactly what Bambam wants to do. Fix his two best friends who are too careless that they end up getting hurt.

Bambam keeps on turning away, avoiding Yugyeom’s all-knowing gaze.

“She likes you, Yugyeom.” Bambam finally straightened his body, turning to Yugyeom. “So much.” He smirked.

Yugyeom didn’t know what to say. Despite Bambam’s words, he still deosn’t know what to say because he can see it in Bambam’s eyes. It was only then that he realized how tired he looked and how dark his eyes are. Yugyeom felt ashamed and even a bit angry with himself. He was so focused at his pride that he didn’t even see that Bambam is hurting.

“And I know you like her just as much.” Bambam added and that’s when Yugyeom saw what’s inside Bambam’s head. That is when he saw that between Bambam’s words, he has made up he’s mind. Bambam is surrendering.

“So please, go talk to her. She’s ugly when she’s sulking.” Bambam continued before turning and walking away.

First period is almost starting when Bambam got back in their classroom, Yugyeom following a couple of steps behind.

Nana is surprisingly waiting for Bambam by the door despite the rest of the class being chaotic rushing to their seats.

“Everything okay?” Nana asked.

Bambam smiled weakly but sincerely. “It should be.”

 

 

Bambam usually stays at the old gym with Yugyeom after class. That would be awkward today, though. While there is a big possibility that Yugyeom is having the same dilemma and won’t go there, Bambam didn’t want to risk that. So instead of going home immediately, he decided to walk home instead of taking the bus. He didn’t want to bump into Yugyeom there, too.

It was already dark when he got home. As soon as he’s taking off his shoes at their porch, he can already smell dinner being cooked which was weird because they usually eat dinner late. What’s more weird is the smell is actually telling him that they’re having beef for dinner. Bambam started thinking if he forgot someone’s birthday. It’s definitely not Lisa or his mother. Baby? Lisa’s mother? He really can’t think of anyone until he saw an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the porch. It’s a leather oxfords, something Bambam would want to wear in the future in case he become some respectable person like a politician or diplomat.

“Long time no see, Bambam.”

It is Lisa’s father greeting Bambam. He was standing just a few steps ahead of the porch waiting for Bambam to notice him but somehow too impatient to wait so he just made himself seen.

“Mr. Manoban!” Bambam exclaimed quickly bowing, surprised to see the busy man on his house.

“I told you, you can call me by my name.” Mr. Manoban said as he reach for Bambam’s head to pat it. “Wow, how time flies, you grew a lot, boy!”

Bambam cringed internally upon the idea of calling him by his first name.

Mr. Manoban isn’t a scary man. In fact, the few times that Bambam spent with him, he’s pretty warm and it looks like he’s always trying to approach people, especially the kids. But it’s probably the same reason why Bambam has always been awkward around him. But it wasn’t just Bambam. Everyone is actually intimidated by Mr. Monaban. It’s probably because of his very important job or just because of the fact that he isn’t always around that his rare presence is always a big deal. Mr. Manoban always try so hard to be cool and approachable which just makes things more awkward in the process.

Bambam liked him very much though, despite being intimidated. He has always looked up at Mr. Manoban. He lost his dad in a very young age and Mr. Manoban has become his father figure growing up. He idolized him so much and he’s just too perfect for the eyes of an eight-year old Bambam.

“You were just a little boy yesterday!” Mr. Manoban added trying to ease the already stiff Bambam under his palm.

Bambam is scrunching his shoulders, didn’t know what to do.

“You’re being weird, Dad.” Lisa appeared beside Bambam and pulled him away from her Dad.

Bambam thought Lisa’s going pull him to the dining area where their mothers are busy preparing the table but she took a detour and dragged him up the stairs.

“We’re about to have dinner, kids!” Lisa’s mother called.

“Just a sec!” Lisa answered as they disappear in the stairs.

“Let them be.” They heard Mr. Manoban speak before shutting Bambam’s bedroom’s door.

“What’s happening?” Bambam asked as he puts down his bag and went straight to his closet to take out a new shirt. “Your dad never changed, by the way. He’s still awkward like that.”

Bambam was about to remove his uniform and change into the new shirt he’s holding when he remembered he’s talking to Lisa _inside_ his room and not through a webcam he can cover while changing.

He felt his cheeks on fire in embarrassment turning to Lisa, luckily, it looks like she didn’t see it.

Bambam exhaled in relief. “I-I mean he’s—“ Lisa cut her off, saving him from coming up with a more lame excuse.

“He thinks he’s cool.” Lisa sighed moving from the door to Bambam’s bed. “Go ahead change, by the way. I won’t look.”

Bambam wanted the floor to just take him in embarrassment. “I-I’ll change later.” He said, ungracefully throwing the shirt he is holding back to his closet.

He walked to his bed and sat on the floor, his back on the bed where Lisa is seating.

“Why is he here anyway?” Bambam asked. “It’s too sudden.”

“I told you we’re leaving.” Lisa answered, throwing her back onto the bed. “He’s taking us away, again.”

“Already?” Bambam asked in surprise. Mr. Manoban’s sudden visit is suddenly making him nervous. He’s not yet ready. “When?”

“Tomorrow.” Lisa mumbled. It was almost a whisper but in this empty room, Bambam heard it loud and clear.

“What?!” Bambam exclaimed. He turned his whole body to his bed then rests his elbow in the bed. “Why is it so sudden?”

“Dad said we have to get back to Japan first, fix some paper and stuff.” Lisa explained dryly.

Bambam didn’t know what to say. He knows she’s going to leave soon and he knows they’re going back to being electronic best friends and it’s okay. They already mastered the art of it. But after what happened the other night and how much it hurt and scared Lisa, he couldn’t help but to be scared too. There’s something about this goodbye that’s scaring him more than before.

Lisa took one of Bambam’s pillow and covered it in her face. “I don’t want to go, Bambam.”

“I don’t want you to leave, too, Lisa.” Bambam said. He lifted himself up from the floor and sat on the bed. He looked at Lisa as she buries the pillow on her face, covering her tears. He looked at her hand tightly holding the pillow. He hesitated long to reach for her hand and comfort her.

When he finally decided to do it and slowly reached for her hand, Lisa suddenly got up throwing the pillow on the floor making Bambam jump.

“I’m not coming with them!” Lisa declared.

“What?” Bambam asked.

“I’ll stay here.” Lisa said eagerly.

“Will your parents allow you?” Bambam asked.

“I’ll have to convince them.” Lisa took Bambam’s hands in hers. “We have to, Bambam.”

Then again, Bambam can never say no to Lisa.

 

 

Dinner started awkwardly. Very awkward. It was dead quiet with nothing but the sound of the utensils on the ceramic plates are heard. Bambam is looking at Lisa from across the table, making sure she’s okay.

“So, what time are you leaving tomorrow?” Bambam’s mom is the first to break the silence. Bambam shot her a look of disbelief. She sure knows how to make things more awkward.

“Our flight’s tomorrow night.” Lisa’s mom answered.

“Oh great. I can still prepare lunch tomorrow.” Bambam’s mom answered. “You want to skip school tomorrow, Bam?”

Bambam swears it was the weirdest conversation he has ever heard. Grown ups are weird, he realized.

“Wait, where are you going?” Baby—Bambam’s younger sister—asked, somehow the only person in this dinner who’s sane enough to ask the right questions.

“We’re coming to Japan, sweetie.” Lisa’s mom answered, smiling. Bambam noticed it was a fake smile.

Baby dropped her spoon creating an ear-hurting sound against the ceramic plate. “What? Already? Why are you leaving so sudden?”

“It just happened that way, Baby.” Bambam’s mom answered taking back the spoon on Baby’s hand.

Baby just looked at Bambam then at Lisa with complete puzzled looked. “You knew it?” she asked Bambam, completely clueless about what’s happening. “When do you plan on telling me? When I woke up and Lisa’s already in Japan or something?” She and Lisa are pretty close so it’s just normal that she feels cheated about their sudden goodbye.

Bambam answered her with a shrug while Lisa is just looking at her plate.

“I can’t believe you guys.” Baby dropped her utensils violently before leaving the table.

“Baby! Come back here!” their mom shouted. “I’m so sorry about that. Excuse me.” She said before leaving the table too to follow Baby.

Bambam exhaled. He was left in a very awkward position but he can’t blame Baby for reacting that way. It just so happened that he has other problems to fix but if he didn’t, he would have reacted the same way, if not worse.

Time passed by so much slower when the four of them are left in the dining table. Mr. Manoban is still focus on eating his meal like nothing happened while Mrs. Manoban and Bambam are just having tasteless bites. Lisa hasn’t had much food yet. She’s just staring at her plate, her eyes are almost welling in tears for staring at it for too long. Or she just really felt like crying

Bambam is just starting to taste his food again when Lisa decided to speak.

“I’m not coming with you.” Lisa announced.

Bambam almost spit the big chunk of beef he just ate.

Lisa’s mother looked at her with a mix of surprise and worry like it’s some plot twist she saw coming but still didn’t expect too soon.

Mr. Manoban is beyond shocked. He is trying to keep his composure but it is obvious that he’s taken a back when he stopped chewing for a moment. He wiped his mouth and put down his utensils.

“Lisa, sweetie, you know we can’t leave you here.” Her mother reached for her hand as she speak.

Lisa looked away. “I’m staying here.” Her voice is stern.

“We already talked about this, Lisa.” Mr. Manoban clasped his fingers together.

“Talked?” Lisa repeated. “When? I don’t remember _talking_ to you about it. Unless you mean instructing us to leave, like you always do. Which I never even agreed to.” Lisa’s voice was trembling and she was talking fast but she made sure every word she is said is clear.

Bambam’s eyes are wide open as well as his mouth. He has never seen Lisa like this and as much as he is impressed, he is scared for how Mr. Manoban will react. Bambam looked at Lisa’s mom and the worry in her face worsen but she still doesn't know what to do. She opened her mouth to say something but was immediately cut off by Mr. Manoban.

“Is this about that boy?” he said calmly.

Bambam lost it. He just want someone to pull him out of this scene but at the same time he need to help Lisa with this battle, he just don’t know how.

Lisa’s mouth was hanging open in disbelief. She shot her mom a _why-did-you-tell-him_ look before turning back to her father.

“He has nothing to do here.” Lisa said, her voice is trembling even more.

“Really then why didn’t you react that way when we first moved and,” Mr. Manoban turned to Bambam. “Leave Bambam?”

Bambam didn’t want to be part of this argument this way. He thought he’s done with all the hurt and pain but somehow being compared with Yugyeom all while measuring his worth is breaking the heart he’s trying too hard to keep intact.

Lisa exhaled aggressively. “Sure, Dad. Let’s say it’s about that boy, which has a name, by the way. He’s Yugyeom.” Tears are starting to fall down her cheeks now. Bambam just want to take her in her arms and pull her out of this scene.

“But don’t forget that it’s also about Granny Alice, Pia, Belle, Mr. Longbottom.” Lisa’s voice is cracking as tears endlessly fall down her cheeks.

“What are you talking about? Who are those people?” Mr. Manoban asked seriously but he’s evidently clueless too.

“Of course you won’t even remember them.” Lisa said sarcastically. “They’re people I met in the past that became dear to me but I had to say goodbye to just because you said so. I never had a choice, right?”

Lisa’s shoulders dropped. “I’m so tired, Dad. I’m so tired of moving and moving but I’m more exhausted of meeting people just to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave people behind anymore, Dad.”

Mr. Manoban couldn’t answer. Mrs. Manoban isn’t objecting either because she knows that Lisa is right, having the same sentiments as her daughter but never had the courage to talk about it.

“Please, Dad.” Lisa continued. “This,” she looked around. “You and mom, Bambam and everyone here, they’re family. This is home for me.”

Mr. Manoban thought long before speaking. “Could you give us a moment, Bambam?”

Bambam was caught off guard. It was only then that he realized that he’s invading some serious family time.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out before standing up just in time to catch a shadowy figure by the window.

 

***

 

“Lisa, we need to talk.”

“I didn’t believe a word you said.”

“Let’s talk.”

“Please talk to me, Lisa. Please.”

“I miss you.”

Yugyeom has been in front of Bambam’s porch for the past thirty minutes rehearsing how to talk to Lisa. He attempted to just knock on the door without thinking but his nerves always send him a couple of steps back.

He aggressively ruffle his hair out of frustration as he slumps down and seat at the steps of Bambam’s porch. He rested his head on his palms. He’s thinking about giving up and just go home when the door behind him flew swinging open.

Yugyeom stood up, clumsily, in an instant expecting that Lisa came running to him.

“Yugyeom!” Bambam called.

Yugyeom made a face in disappointment.

“What are you doing here?” Bambam asked dragging him far from the door.

“I’m here to talk to Lisa.” Yugyeom answered.

“Great. That’s great but she’s kinda busy right now.” Bambam is taking glances back at the window as he push Yugyeom to the driveway.

“What?” Yugyeom is resisting Bambam’s push. “You told me to talk to her! What’s wrong with you, man?”

“Yeah, yeah, but now just isn’t the time, you—“ Bambam paused when he realized this could be the only time.

Yugyeom noticed the sudden change in Bambam’s face. “What’s wrong Bambam?” his voice is much more serious now.

Bambam sighed letting go of Yugyeom. He hesitated if he should tell Yugyeom about it. Not that he didn’t want him to know, Bambam wants him to know. It’s just that it is not his to tell. Lisa should be the one to tell Yugyeom.

Bambam opened his mouth to tell something just to answer Yugyeom but he was interrupted by the door opening violently.

Two heads turn to the door’s direction and found Lisa storming out of the house, tears endlessly flowing down her cheeks.

“Lisa!” Bambam and Yugyeom called in unison.

Lisa’s already wide eyes opens even wider at the sight of Yugyeom. She turned away to hide her tears from him.

“Come back here, young lady!” Mr. Manoban shouted following Lisa outside.

Seeing Yugyeom will just add fuel to the fire and just worsen Mr. Manoban’s already bad impression of him.

Lisa didn’t think twice and grabbed Yugyeom’s arm to drag him away from the house. The two of them are already out of sight when Mr. Manoban got out. Bambam was the only one left to deal with him.

“Where did she go?” Mr. Manoban looked around the driveway but Bambam stopped him, subtly pushing him back inside the house to cover up for his best friends.

“Give her a little time, Mr. Manoban. She’s just upset and needs time.” Bambam convinced him as they enter the house. He took one last look at the empty driveway before shutting the door behind him.

 

 

“What’s happening, Lisa?” Yugyeom asked, panting. They were running for almost fifteen minutes until they stopped at the town’s garden to catch their breaths.

Lisa didn’t answer.

“Is that your dad?” Yugyeom asked.

Lisa nodded.

“Why did you run away from him?”

“He’s taking me away. Again.”

Yugyeom panicked. “What? Why? Take you away? What are you talking about? He’s your Dad.”

Lisa took a deep breath. “We’re leaving, Yugyeom.”

All the blood in Yugyeom’s body rushed to his head. His knees got weak. “W-what?”

Lisa looked away to avoid Yugyeoms stare.

Yugyeom took her by the arm. “Lisa.”

Lisa turned her whole body away, tears started to fall down again.

It’s starting to make sense to Yugyeom now. This is why Lisa told her she doesn’t like him. This is why Bambam is insisting that Lisa didn’t mean what she said. It’s because she’s leaving.

“I don’t want to go, Yugyeom.” Lisa sat down at the stone steps of the garden.

Yugyeom couldn’t answer and instead sat beside Lisa.

“I’m not coming with them. I’m staying here.” Lisa announced. “He never understood how I feel. It’s just him and his stupid job.” Lisa is kicking stones in her feet.

“I don’t think a diplomat’s job is stupid.” Yugyeom insisted.

“I’ve already made up my mind. I’m staying. I told him about it.” Lisa said.

“Did he allow you?” Yugyeom is already expecting for good news.

Lisa rolled her eyes then sighed. “Of course not.”

Yugyeom’s shoulders dropped. “Is that why he’s angry? That’s why you ran away?”

Lisa looked away.

“Lisa!” Yugyeom was frustrated. “You know you shouldn’t do that.”

“Then what am I supposed to do, Yugyeom?” Lisa started, her voice trembling. “I’ve had enough of running away and leaving people, Yugyeom. I used to be just okay with it. Like it’s some inevitable moment that I always have to face. No matter how hard it is, it’s something I need to get through with to go on with my life.”

Lisa began crying.

“Lisa,” Yugyeom whispered. He suddenly got weak and angry at himself upon seeing Lisa cry.

“But when I came back here after so many years, and I realized how much this place mean to me. Then I met you and it became the best thing of my life—being with my best friend and meeting you. It was so surreal. I was happy.

“Then my Dad just had to be assigned to a farther place and I didn't know what to do anymore. I slowly realize that my life shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be walking away from the people I love. This place, with Bambam and you and everyone else, you’re home and I just can't afford to leave everything for nothing.”

“I don’t want you to leave too, Lisa.” Yugyeom said. “Heck, I’d do everything just to make you stay. But you have to talk to your Dad. He’s still your Dad.”

Lisa’s face turn sour. “But he won’t listen to me.” She groaned. “Are you taking his side?”

Yugyeom raised his hands up as if surrendering. “I’m not. It’s just that, he’s your dad and he just wants the best for you. He’s just missing the difference between what’s best for you and what will make you happy.”

Lisa sighed. She’s slowly realizing that Yugyeom is right. She should go ahead and talk to her dad calmly instead of throwing sass at him. She knows her dad loves her and she just have to let him listen.

“If he still don’t agree, please know that I might be in other side of the world tomorrow and you’ll probably not see me in the next ten years or something.” Lisa threatened.

“Then I’ll fly or swim wherever you are.” Yugyeom promised. “Where is it this time, anyway? And wait, what? Tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Lisa answered. “So you still won't allow me to runaway?”

Yugyeom smiled and shook his head. “Where are you going this time?”

“Peru.” Lisa answered.

“Peru?!” Yugyeom repeated. “That’s in Europe, right?”

Lisa looked at him in disbelief. “It’s in South America. Are you in the same Geography class with Bambam? He said the same thing.”

Yugyeom suddenly remembered Bambam and how he’s trying to fix things between him and Lisa even though he has to fight his own feelings. He felt guilty and sorry for him but most of all, he misses his best friend.

Yugyeom shruggred. “Technically, yes, we’re in the same class. But of course I know Peru is in South America. I’m just trying to make you laugh.”

Lisa rolled her eyes but a smile still escaped her face.

“And it worked. ‘Cause right there,” Yugyeom turned his body to Lisa. His hand reached for her face without hesitation. “That’s the smile I missed.”

Yugyeom used his thumb to wipe the tears on Lisa’s soft cheeks, staring directly at her eyes. His other hand reached for Lisa’s hand on her knees. He took it and laced his fingers at hers. He put down his other hand from her face and wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer for a hug. Lisa buried her head on his chest.

“I missed you.” Yugyeom mumbled as he plant a kiss on top of Lisa’s head. 


	8. Bambam

Bambam has to do something—anything for Lisa.

So instead of sitting in his porch—like he has been doing for the past forty-five minutes—waiting for Lisa and Yugyeom, he gathered up all the courage he can get and went inside the house to talk to Mr. Manoban.

It hasn’t been long since the storm of Lisa occurred inside but the house is much more peaceful now—at least in the living room. Bambam’s sister has locked herself up in her room, crying for the past hour because she’s too upset about Lisa’s sudden departure.

His mother is in their room with Mrs. Manoban, calming her down since she has been freaking out since Lisa ran away. Bambam thinks it’s also because she herself is upset about leaving too.

Bambam looked around the house and couldn’t find Mr. Manoban anywhere. He was ready to give when he remembered the balcony. He thought about it one more time before going up stairs.

He already opened and peeked through the door of the balcony when he stepped back because of fear as soon as he smelled Mr. Manoban’s strong scent mixed with whiskey.

“What is it, Bambam?” Mr. Manoban asked as Bambam carefully steps back.

Bambam felt all the hair in his body stood, his heart skipped a beat.

“Uh, y-yes, Sir.” Bambam immediately bit his lip as he realized that what he said doesn’t even made sense.

Mr. Manoban chuckled. “What is it, Bambam?”

Bambam took a deep breath taking a step closer to Mr. Manoban and closing the door behind him.

The deafening silence is so awkward. Bambam is fidgeting his fingers under his sweater, his palms are cold and sweating. He regretted thinking about talking to Mr. Manoban. He didn’t think this through and didn’t even know what to say to the older man.

Mr. Manoban noticed the awkward atmosphere as he fills himself another glass of whiskey.

“Would you like some?”

Bambam shot him a look of disbelief. He’s thinking hard if he should say yes as a form of respect or if he should say yes just because he really wants to try it.

“No, thanks, Sir. I’m not legal yet.” Bambam shakes his head aggressively when he realized that he should be saying no to alcohol because he’s a minor and isn’t supposed to drink.

Mr. Manoban laughed hysterically. “Of course, Bambam. Of course.”

Awkward silence came back. Bambam is constructing sentences on his head while Mr. Manoban is patiently waiting.

“You’re here to tell me something?” Again, Mr. Manoban became impatient waiting.

Bambam took a deep breath. “Yes, Sir.”

Mr. Manoban took another sip of his whiskey while waiting for Bambam to speak. Bambam looked at him and wondered how he can be calm when his only daughter just had a major tantrum and ran away. His eyes darted to the whiskey glass in Mr. Manoban’s hand, showing the tiniest bit of tremble and Bambam knew that he’s just as worried as everyone else.

“It was about three or four years ago,” Bambam started. “You just left Vietnam and I was facetime-ing with Lisa, she was crying—sobbing even—because you left Vietnam and she’s never gonna see your neighbor again.”

Mr. Manoban took a sip from whiskey.

“Oh, it was Grandma Alice, in case you’re wondering.” Bambam added suddenly remembering that Mr. Manoban had no idea who she is when Lisa blurted out her name a while ago. “She was your neighbor in Vietnam. Old lady, a bit short and round.”

Mr. Manoban nodded his head, smiling. He find it amusing that Bambam knows exactly how she looks while he—who has lived next door with her for a couple of months—doesn’t even remember her face. On Mr. Manoban’s defense, he wasn’t even home at all times anyway.

“Lisa was scared at her at first,” Bambam continued. “She thought she’s a cranky old maid but she turns out to be warm and nice. She always gives Lisa cookies and stuff. Lisa loved her.”

Mr. Manoban took another sip of whiskey trying to mask his embarrassment, he felt ashamed not knowing these details about his daughter.

“Then you had to move and it broke Lisa’s heart. She already treated Granny Alice as her own grandmother and for a nine-year old, it felt like the world is ending. She cried the whole night through facetime saying how she wished you had a different job or just hoped you can stay at one place for a longer time.” Bambam paused suddenly conscious if he’s still being polite.

When Mr. Manoban nodded lightly, Bambam continued. “But the next day, it was like I was talking to a different person. Suddenly she was okay with. She told me it was fine because it’s your job and maybe it would be last time you had to move and you never have to leave again.”

Mr. Manoban slowly took a deep breath. He always thought that with his job, he doesn’t belong to himself but to whichever state or country he’s assigned at. But in the midst of doing the right job, he always aim to be a good provider, husband and father. It was never easy to juggle the two, Mr. Manoban always find himself in the dilemma of the two so he always opt for the compromise. He stayed with his family as long as they’ll be with them wherever he goes. Which was perfectly fine.

At first. Eventually, he gets reassigned faster than usual that they’re not even staying at one place for a year. Mr. Manoban got caught up at work so much that he didn’t even notice how hard it became for his wife and daughter.

It was only now that he realized how much moving all the time really affected his daughter. When kids at her age should be enjoying youth, Lisa is left moving from one place to another with no permanent friends. He felt extremely grateful for Bambam for being Lisa’s friend for the longest time even though it’s hard for the both of them.

Mr. Manoban felt his chest tight and aching. Something he haven’t felt for a long time. He almost forgot how heartbreak feels. He realized that a parent’s heartbreak is worse than any heartbreak he has felt before. It hurt him to realize that in the process of giving what is best for his child, he ended up hurting her too.

Then his wife crossed her mind and his heart breaks even more. He knows that she feels bad of all these things too but he was blind to realize and has never listened to her silent cries. He just wanted to be the best but he has failed miserably.

“But don’t feel bad, Mr. Manoban.” Bambam added as if he’s reading Mr. Manoban’s mind. “Lisa doesn’t hate you. She loves you so much. She’s just upset and we’re teenagers who think we can figure things on our own.” Bambam chuckled.

Mr. Manoban took one last sip from his almost empty glass of whiskey.

Bambam exhaled. It felt like he hasn’t taken a breath the whole time he was talking. He was even more surprised that he was able to say those things but is internally worried that Mr. Manoban will take it the wrong way and make things worse. He just prays to God that Mr. Manoban will actually listen.

“So, I hope you give a try, Mr. Manoban.” Bambam added just in case Mr. Manoban isn’t convinced yet. “I hope you give Lisa a chance to prove herself. To find happiness on her own.”

Mr. Manoban smiled. He was surprised that the person who let him see the things he was so busy to see is the eighteen-year-old best friend of his daughter. As much as he felt ashamed, he was also amused and proud, even. He has always wished for another child, a son and tonight, he just hoped Bambam to be his son.

“Oh, and by the way, Yugyeom is a good guy.” Bambam added making sure Mr. Manoban won’t be keeping a bad impression of his best friend. “He’s my friend and I’ll be the first one to break his bones if he hurt Lisa.” Bambam promised.

For the first time, Mr. Manoban turned to Bambam and looked at him straight in the eye. Bambam swallowed, straightening his whole body. Did I say something wrong? Bambam thought to himself.

Mr. Manoban smiled. He took the whiskey bottle and the glass in one hand and walked closer to Bambam.

Bambam was inching farther bit by bit, squinting his eyes away as Mr. Manoban’s hand comes closer to him. He felt like Mr. Manoban was about to hit him. He probably said all the wrong things and offended Mr. Manoban. He was being disrespectful and this is his consequence.

He has his eyes fully closed when Mr. Manoban’s hand landed on his shoulder. It was firm but it felt warm.

“Your Dad must be so proud of you.” Mr. Manoban said.

Bambam’s whole body softened when he heard that. He opened his eyes and looked at Mr. Manoban. His eyes are expressing bittersweet emotions. It always tugs his heart whenever his Dad is mentioned; especially when such remarks are made.

Seeing Bambam’s expression, Mr. Manoban nodded lightly and smiled before reaching for the door, leaving Bambam in the balcony.

 

 

Bambam spent the whole night tossing and turning in his bed. He just can’t let himself sleep when there could be a big possibility that Lisa is leaving tomorrow. After talking with Mr. Manoban, Bambam went back to the porch to wait for Lisa. He’s not out for too long when Lisa arrived with Yugyeom. Lisa is wearing Yugyeom’s hoodie which is too big for Lisa’s small frame. He never thought the sweater he gave to Yugyeom as a birthday gift will look so good to Lisa.

Bambam and Yugyeom exchanged a small nod which is too awkward for Lisa not to notice. She gave the two puzzling looks before coming inside the house. She wanted to ask about it but decided not to. She’s getting tired and she still needs to talk to her dad so she shrugged it off for now.

Bambam walked Lisa to their room where her dad is waiting, patting her head for good luck before letting her in.

He went straight to his room with the hopes that everything goes well and that he had somehow helped convince Mr. Manoban even just a little bit.

Then the waiting game started. Bambam didn’t know what to do or what to expect. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst. By worst, he meant waking up and the Monaban’s just decided to leave earlier because his talk with Mr. Manoban just made things worse.

It was as if time slowed down and he was just dreading for morning to come. Bambam promised not to sleep but his tired body betrayed him. Not only did he fell asleep but overslept too.

He jolted up his bed when he realized he had fallen asleep and was even more shocked when he turned to his bed side clock and it says he’s thirty-five minutes late from he’s usual wake up time to get ready for school.

But it didn’t matter. The first thing he did when he get out of his room is to check the room in front of his where the Manobans are staying. He didn’t even bother knocking and just swing the door open.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw the room empty, the sheets are nicely made. Did the worst really happen? Did they really leave without a word?

He rushed down the stairs and found the living room empty. Not even his mom or his sister is there. He looked around a bit dramatically in the morning and his eyes landed on their dining area.

His mom has her back on him, busy frying something in the cook top counter. He heard the bathroom door open and close, his sister just came out with her hair messy and damp in a towel. It was a usual weekday morning, which made him more nervous. What if Lisa already left?

His head wandered once more around the place and it was as if his world stopped turning, his knees grew weak when he saw her walking in. Her long locks flowing from her shoulder to her arms as she put plates on the table.

Bambam didn’t even think and run to Lisa, wrapped his arms around her waist. His unintentional sniff at her hair proves that this isn’t a dream.

She’s here. Lisa is still here.

Bambam was pulled out from his thoughts when Mr. Manoban coughed loudly, getting not only Bambam’s attention, but everyone else in the room too.

Bambam turned to Mr. Manoban, quickly letting go of Lisa. “Good morning, Mr. Manoban.”

Mr. Manoban smirked. “Good morning, Bambam.”

“You’re still overdramatic, Bambam.” Lisa said.

“’Cause you’re still here!” Bambam exclaimed too enthusiastically.

Lisa looked at him with pity.

“We’ll leave this afternoon, remember?” Mrs. Manoban said.

“Oh.” All the hope Bambam just had has turned into ashes. “So I can skip class today, right, Mom?” Bambam turned to his mom. “I’m late anyway.”

His mom shook her head. “I said you could, if Lisa is leaving.”

Bambam’s forehead wrinkle in confusion. He looked at Lisa, then to his Mom then back to Lisa again, giving them puzzled looks.

“We’re leaving,” Mr. Manoban said. “But Lisa’s staying.”

 

 

It was a good day. Bambam had a good mood all day. At one time, he and Yugyeom even shared chuckles when he told him that Lisa is not leaving anymore. He wanted him to hear it from Lisa directly but he was too excited he broke the news to him as soon as he saw Yugyeom in the classroom.

The laughter quickly faded into an awkward silence though. Neither of the best friends is still willing to just forget about everything and act like nothing happened.

Bambam was over it. Or, rather, he was willing to drop everything for his best friends. Yugyeom has long realized it but there’s still something inside of him. Something like a mix of guilt and shame. Bambam sees it in his actions too, he’s just waiting for Yugyeom to overcome the guilt.

Bambam was ready to go home when he got a call from Lisa. A wide grin flashed across his face quickly taking the call as he stuff his bag with his things.

“Hey, miss me already?” Bambam said, his phone resting between his cheek and shoulder.

“Whatever you say.” Lisa fought back.

Bambam chuckled. “What is it? I’m just getting ready to go home.”

“Great. Are you with Yugyeom?” Lisa asked. “Can you tell him to drop by here?”

Bambam felt as if someone punched him in the chest. The feeling is too familiar but something he never wanted to feel again.

“Bambam?” Lisa repeated.

“Uh. No, uh, we’re uh,” Bambam stuttered. “We’re not gonna go together.”

“Huh? Why?” Lisa asked.

“I-I’m not coming home yet.” Bambam blurted out.

“What? You said you’re just getting ready to go home? Is everything okay with, Bam?”

Bambam felt his stomach churn. Of course, Lisa will notice. “Yeah. I forgot I’m supposed to do our finals with Nana.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you later at home. Bye.”

Bambam hung up without hearing Lisa’s answer.

He sighed in relief. Maybe it wasn’t as painful as it was before but it doesn’t mean he’s ready for it yet.

Of course Bambam is lying. He’s not supposed to do his paper with Nana but he can’t go home either. He knows Yugyeom will go see Lisa anyway so he didn’t want to go home any time soon and be a third wheel to the two.

So why not go see Nana anyway?

Bambam unexpectedly found an ally in Nana. Something he never thought, not even in his wildest dreams. The class’ clown and top student? A very unlikely pair. But Bambam slowly discovered that Nana is far from the go-getter image people know her as. She’s a bit clumsly and talkative. Bambam didn’t want to admit it but he actually liked spending time with Nana. In all honesty, he’s just thankful Nana was patient enough to listen to his bullshit. Or basically kind enough to let him annoy her on normal days.

On days like this, he knows exactly where Nana should be.

Classes are over so flocks of students are in the library when Bambam got there. Half of them are studying while the other half are just too lazy to go home yet like him.

Bambam scanned the room and it didn’t take long for him to find Nana. She was sitting alone in a table at the far end of the library, just beside the window.

Bambam quietly jogged to where she is. He couldn’t help but smile when he stopped in front of Nana and saw her eyes closed. She is definitely sleeping. Bambam pulled the chair in front of her quietly, careful not to wake her up yet. He was about to tap her playfully out of her sleep when he noticed how peaceful she looks while sleeping. The rays of the sun is shining through the window beside her. Her skin is almost glowing as the sun radiates her face. Bambam noticed how long her lashes are as it creates shadow on her cheeks.

Bambam found himself staring at her a bit too long that he thought he was being creepy. He shook his head and started to move and leave instead but Nana opened her eyes carefully.

“Hey, Bambam. Where are you going?”

“Uh,” Bambam stuttered thinking of an excuse. “I didn’t know you’re the type to sleep in the library.”

“I weren’t sleeping.” Nana corrected him firmly.

“Oh, really?” Bambam teased.

“Yeah, so I know you’ve been staring for the past ten minutes.” Nana fought back.

Bambam felt his cheeks burn. “Y-you must be dreaming.”

Nana shook her head chuckling. “What are you doing here?”

Bambam eased his posture and leaned back his chair. “I’m here to make your day.”

Nana looked at him suspiciously.

Bambam sighed. “Yuygeom’s coming over to see Lisa.”

“Oh.” Nana sighed, leaning back to her chair. “What happened anyway? You and Yugyeom looked so tensed yesterday.”

“A lot. A lot of things happened.” A smile escaped across Bambam’s face.

“But you look happy.” Nana couldn’t help but to smile too. “It must be a good thing. How are you?”

Bambam nodded. “Feeling better.”

Nana exhaled in relief. “Then I am happy too.”

 

 

The rest of the afternoon passed by quickly. Nana was glad that Bambam, for once, was quiet. Far from the usual class clown that he is and even farther from the heartbroken Bambam saw the past weeks. He felt calm, even happy and it made Nana happy too.

“Oh, Bambam.” Bambam is mindlessly flipping through one of Nana’s notes when Nana looked up from the essay she’s writing, remembering something.

“Hm?” Bambam didn’t even bother looking up from Nana’s Physics notes which he isn’t really reading, he’s just amused at how detailed and personalized Nana’s notes are. No wonder she’s getting high scores.

“Remember when I told you about zero and how it has no value?” Nana started. “Well, I told you too that zero actually has a meaning, right?”

Bambam paused for a while, wondering why Nana is suddenly brining this up. He just nodded slightly though, eyes still fixed on the notes but all ears at Nana.

“Technically, zero means nothing. It’s a derivative of the British word naught which basically means nothing.” Nana continued. “But mathematically, zero is much more important than nothing. It’s a number, a numerical digit, an additive identity—a lot of things.”

“But you know what’s pretty amusing?” Nana asked but didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “When it comes to ordinal numbers, zero is the number between one and negative one. I mean, just imagine if there isn’t zero between them, right? The value of one and negative one will make no sense. Apparently, zero has so much more importance than people think.”

Nana is talking too fast but Bambam is, little by little, understanding what she meant. Zero is taken for granted and underrated. Without zero, some things just won’t work. Maybe he’s _that_ zero.

Bambam looked up from Nana’s notes and stared at her smiling.

“I mean, I felt really bad that I kind of hurt your feelings when I said that.” Nana started explaining. “So I looked it up and researched—“

“Nana.” Bambam called for her attention but she’s too engrossed in her smart explanation, she didn’t even hear his call.

“Nana.” Bambam’s call was left unheard for the second time.

“Nana!” Nana is in the middle of explaining what’s the difference between a number and a numerical digit when Bambam reached for her hand from across the table, successfully getting her attention.

It probably worked too well because not only is Nana’s attention was caught, but her eyes are also wide open—surprised by Bambam’s sudden touch.

“Nana,” Bambam repeated, chuckling. “Thank you.”

Nana didn’t answer. Her big almond eyes are fixed on Bambam.

“Thank you.” Bambam repeated, a bit more seriously, oblivious of how fluster Nana is right now.

“Yeah.” Nana nodded awkwardly as she takes away his hand from Bambam.

“Uh,” Bambam is just slowly realizing how awkward that was and suddenly felt flustered too. “Sorry.” He said looking away.

Nana shook her head and went back to bury her face in her essay, feeling embarrassed.

A few moments later, Bambam found himself looking at Nana again, this time with a warm smile in his face.


	9. Lisa and Bambam and Yugyeom

“I was gonna go get Bowi before I get here but I wanted to see you first.” Yugyeom admitted, scratching the back of his head.

“Oh, I missed Bowi. I think I’m gonna visit her sometime.” Lisa said.

The two of them are walking around town, didn’t really have an exact destination. It’s just that the afternoon is nice and it’ll be a shame to just spend it indoors.

Lisa just got back from sending off her parents to the airport. Lisa was sure emotional but not as emotional when she talked to her parents the night before. It was probably Lisa’s most memorable moment in her life.

She was sitting next to her mom on the bed while her father is on the couch adjacent to them. She was almost hiding in her mom’s side, a little bit scared of her father after screaming at him a while ago.

Lisa was in the middle of apologizing to both her parents for acting harshly when her dad went near her and her mom, kneeling in front of them. She looked at her mom for explanation but her mom was quick to wrap her arms on her husband, tears flowing down her cheeks. Lisa didn’t understand a thing but when her dad broke down in tears and started apologizing, she couldn’t help but cry too.

Lisa’s mother, for the first time in years, voiced out her feelings. She was hurting but kept silent because she knows that her husband just wanted the best for them. Lisa’s father, for the first time too, listened. He opened up his ears and eyes to their cries. He felt bad and ashamed. If he could, he would turn back time to change the decisions he made in the past. But he knows that that is impossible so all he’s left to do is to make up for the future. And that’s exactly what they agreed to do.

It was a very heartwarming moment. It might have been filled with tears but it definitely made their family better, happier.

 

 

Yugyeom and Lisa stopped their stroll when they reached the town garden where they’ve been last night.

Yugyeom sat to where they were sitting last night and Lisa sat beside him.

Yugyeom took a deep breath. “That was a long night.”

“It is.” Lisa agreed. “So you knew about it already, huh?”

Yugyeom nodded in guilt. “Bambam told me about it this morning.”

“Of course.” Lisa smiled. “By the way, don’t you think Bambam is a bit weird lately?”

Yugyeom felt a whirlwind in his stomach. “Huh? I-I don’t know. I don’t think so.” He said looking away, afraid that Lisa might notice he’s lying.

Lisa turned to Yugyeom. “Are you sure? He was definitely acting weird a lot lately.” She said shaking her head a bit, mostly talking to herself.

Yugyeom ignored her, trying to get away from the topic. He went for his bag and took out a small pouch and a small envelope.

He looked at Lisa who’s mindlessly kicking rocks on the ground. He took a deep breath before giving the pouch and envelope to her.

Lisa was startled when Yugyeom’s long hand are in front of her. She blinked a couple of times before realizing she should get it.

“What is this?” Lisa asked.

“I-I just—I really thought you’re leaving so I wanted to give you something.” Yugyeom stuttered. He turned to Lisa and found her opening the envelope. He extended his arm to stop her immediately. “No! Don’t. It’s embarrassing. Please read it when you get home.”

Lisa jumped in surprise. She looked at Yugyeom grinning. He’s definitely blushing.

“Okay.” Lisa said smiling, leaving the letter on her lap. “Can I open this?” she asked, taking the pouch.

Yugyeom sighed in embarrassment before nodding.

Lisa giggled before turning to the pouch and opening it. When she has opened it completely, she was surprised by a necklace with a small pendant made out of felt. Lisa took it in her palm and looked closely at the felt pendant. Lisa looked at it closely.

“Oh my gosh,” Lisa exclaimed when she realized what it was. It’s a puppy head with ears like a ribbon bow. It’s Bowi. It’s cut a bit messily but it’s definitely Bowi. “This is so cute, Yugyeom. This is beautiful!” she said looking at Yugyeom.

Yugyeom’s heart melted when he saw Lisa’s bright smile; her eyes almost shining in happiness. It was definitely worth not sleeping for and the cuts he had for making it.

Lisa tries wearing it but had trouble reaching for its lock on her nape.

“Can you help me?” Lisa asked, turning her back to Yugyeom.

“Yeah, of course.” Yugyeom asked reaching for the necklace’s lock. Electricity sent all over his a body caused by the innocent touch.

“Thank you so much, Yugyeom.” Lisa said when it’s finally hanging perfectly in her neck. “I love it.” She said beaming with smile.

“Of course, you should.” Yugyeom said, making the atmosphere a bit lighter.

Lisa gave him a fake side eye before giggling.

“I really thought you’re leaving for good.” Yugyeom said. “I’m glad you talked to your Dad and things went well. Are you staying for good?”

“Well, I’m still leaving.” Lisa mumbled.

“Oh.” Yugyeom hummed, a bit disappointed. “When?”

“In three months.” Lisa answered.

Yugyeom didn’t know what to say next.

“Then be back after a couple of months.” Lisa added.

Yugyeom looked at her in puzzle.

Lisa grinned. “My Dad and I made a compromise. I’ll go back to fix some papers and finish my last semester to graduate and…” she trailed off.

“And?” Yugyeom asked, expectant.

Lisa’s smile turned wider. “And come back here for college.” Her eyes are full of hope and anticipation. “I’ve been looking it up and there are a lot of good universities here that offers the program that I want.”

Lisa looked at Yugyeom, whose eyes are still in shock, trying to process the information Lisa is spitting.

“So,” Lisa continued. “I’m gonna be stuck here with you and Bambam for college. That is I mean, if you’re planning to stay for college. What are your plans for college, anyway?”

Yugyeom is still in shock. “Lisa, wow. I don’t even know what I want for dinner yet and you already got college figured out.”

“Yugyeom,” Lisa mumbled. “I’m serious. What are your plans?”

Yugyeom shrugged. “I don’t know. I-I haven’t really figured it out yet, honestly.” He turned to Lisa. “But whatever it is, I’m just glad you’re gonna be here with us. With me.”

 

 

Bambam got lost track of time and got home a little bit late. Lisa is still not home though when he arrived. She texted him that she and Yugyeom’s going to grab dinner before going home.

Right after dinner, Bambam went straight to his room, no intention of waiting for Lisa to get home. It would be a lie to say that he doesn’t get hurt anymore with Lisa and Yugyeom being together. It’s just that he’s a bit preoccupied these past days. Sure, he has promised himself he’s done with his feelings for Lisa but now that she is staying for sure, pain and worry are slowly creeping back in him. Pain is inevitable, of course. But he can’t help to worry too that maybe he can’t move on. Maybe he really can’t let Lisa go for Yugyeom. Maybe it will be the end of their friendship.

But he is Yugyeom. He is the R2-D2 to his C3PO, the Woody to his Buzz Lightyear, the macaroni to his cheese. He is his partner in crime, his best friend, his brother. Bambam has long realized that he can’t live without Lisa but in reality, he can’t afford to lose Yugyeom either.

Bambam has survived being away from Lisa for five years, but thinking about it now, not talking to Yugyeom for five days is so much worse. He is wondering how he even survived not talking to him, not messing together, no after class basketball, not spending afternoons doing nothing together. Bambam felt his heart tight once again. This time because, amidst all the drama, he just misses his best friend so much.

Bambam is sitting in his computer chair just by his study table. He slouched in his seat and let his head fall. He closed his eyes trying to calm his stormy thoughts.

“Wow, I can’t believe you didn’t even wait for me to get home.”

Bambam almost fell from his seat when he heard Lisa speak. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even noticed she came inside his room. She is sitting on top of his study table when he opened his eyes.

“When did you get so jumpy?” Lisa asked, mindlessly looking through Bambam’s stuff.

“Don’t you ever knock?” Bambam mumbled fixing his posture on his seat.

“What? Are you hiding stuff from me now?” Lisa accused which speaks more truth in Bambam’s ear than Lisa intended. “Besides, I did knock, a couple of times in fact. But you didn’t answer, so, I just invited myself in.”

“I didn’t hear anyting.” Bambam said.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re sleeping. You didn’t even wait for me.”

“I didn’t come home late that’s why.”

“Late? Bam, it’s eight pm.” Lisa said. “Anyway, you should have come with us.”

Bambam turned away. “I told you, I had something to do.”

Lisa stared at him. “Is there something going on with you and Yugyeom?”

“What? No.” Bambam was quick to deny, motioning his chair away from Lisa so he can stand.

Lisa immediately stops him though, reeling the chair back to face her. “Are you sure?”

Bambam looked at her, thinking about telling her about all the things going on in his head. Maybe he should tell her.

He sighed. Reeling the chair harder so he can escape her. “Nothing, Lisa.” He said giving Lisa a smile before laying down in his bed. “Don’t stress yourself too much. Everything is fine.” He convinced her. Truth is, he is convincing himself more.

Lisa just sighed knowing there is more between Bambam’s assuring words. But she brushed it off, again. She thought that if Bambam doesn’t want to tell him about it now, he’s going to tell her when he wants to.

Instead, she went and followed Bambam to his bed, sitting beside him and resting her back on the bed’s headboard.

“What are you doing?” Bambam frantically asked when Lisa slipped herself under his covers.

“I’m sleeping here tonight.” Lisa declared.

“What?” Bambam dramatically asked. “You can’t!” he said inching away from Lisa.

“Why? We used to have a lot of sleepovers before.” Lisa said.

“Yeah, when we were ten.”

“So what? Did anything change?”

Bambam’s heartbeat went faster than a cheetah running. He looked at Lisa trying to see if she knows something. What if she does?

But she doesn’t, she’s just completely messing up with him.

“Yes, you have a boyfriend now.” Bambam blurted out, making a whole in his own chest.

Lisa looked at him, horrified. “I-he’s-he’s not my boyfriend.” Lisa stuttered, her hand automatically went for the necklace hanging in her neck.

“That’s an ugly looking puppy.” Bambam commented when his eyes caught where her hand went. “Where’d you get that?”

“This? Oh,” Lisa said. “Yugyeom gave to me.”

“And you’re telling me he’s not your boyfriend.” Bambam digs another hole in his chest.

Lisa just rolled her eyes, unable to answer because, truth is, she didn’t know what they really are—officially.

“That’s an ugly puppy. Where did he get that?” Bambam asked.

Lisa gave shot him an angry look. “He made this.”

“What?” Bambam couldn’t help giggling. “That’s why.”

“You’re so mean!” Lisa hit him in the chest. “He thought I was really leaving—well, I really was. Anyway, he stayed up all night making this and said it’s Bowi. Oh my gosh, Bambam, he’s the sweetest.”

Bambam looked at Lisa carefully. As much as it hurts to hear her talking about another guy making her happy, it warms his heart to see her this happy. Far from the sad and problematic Lisa that she was the other days. He missed her bright smile and her voice sounding like angels when she talks about something she really likes.

“You really like him that much, huh?” Bambam interrupted Lisa when she’s in the middle of convincing him that the pendant does look like Bowi.

Lisa looked at Bambam who was leaning in his arms beside her. “You already asked me that.”

“But you didn’t answer me directly.” Bambam said.

Lisa took a deep breath. “Yes, Bambam. I really do.”

The truth slapped Bambam’s chest so hard it made the hole in his chest bigger—big enough to fit his whole fist in it. It’s the truth that he knows for a while now. The truth that he’s been running from. The truth that he didn’t want to believe until he heard it in Lisa’s voice.

“Of course.” He said with a fake sly grin before lying down in his bed, his back facing Lisa.

No one said a word for a little while, neither of them is moving too. Lisa still sitting behind him, her back flat on the bedframe. Bambam didn’t know how long she’ll stay or if she’s really sleeping in his room tonight. He didn’t care anymore. No, maybe he does. It will probably torment him the whole night but he can’t find himself pushing her away when this is the only way he can have her.

“Thank you, Bambam.” Lisa mumbled softly all of a sudden.

Bambam didn’t say a word, didn’t move an inch. He didn’t know if he should answer or if he should just act like he’s already asleep.

But Lisa knows he’s awake and continued. “I heard that you talked to my Dad and it helped a lot, Bam. Because of you, we were able to sort things out as a family. Definitely a first for us.”

Bambam, once again, didn’t make a move. Lisa didn’t press for a response anyway, she is just savoring the comfortable silence they share—oblivious of the fact that Bambam is far from being comfortable.

There are those rare moments that makes everything feel right. Those instant moments that feels so perfect, a moment that makes you feel sure that everything will be fine. But those moments are so rare that if you don’t grab it an instant, it will be gone forever.

Bambam knew this is that moment. So without thinking any further, he let his feelings take over.

Bambam sat up on his bed and leaned back at his bedframe just like Lisa. Lisa is watching him as he does. He sat in silence for a while, Lisa is patiently waiting for him to speak. He took a deep breath, gathering all the courage he can get, and turned to Lisa.

“It’s because I love you, Lisa.” He said looking right into Lisa’s eyes. “You know that, right?”

Thirteen years. They have known each other for thirteen years and not even once did they utter those three simple yet complex words. Not that they don’t love each other, but they weren’t just that affectionate when it comes to words. Besides, some things didn’t need words to prove it’s real. This is the first time Lisa isa hearing those words from Bambam and honestly, it made her flustered more than she ever imagined.

There is definitely something in Bambam’s words, Lisa is certain. She doesn’t know exactly what it is and honestly, she didn’t want to know. She could somehow feel that digging into it will make things difficult for the both of them. She doesn’t know what it is but it’s scaring her that it will mess up what they already have.

But it’s Bambam. Of course she loves him too. He’s her best friend.

Lisa is looking back at him directly in his eyes too. Once again, their eyes are saying a thousand words that their lips fail to say.

Lisa broke the staring contest with a warm smile. “Of course you do, dummy. I’m your best friend.”

Lisa inched closer to Bambam and rested her head in his shoulder.

_I’m your best friend_.

The words replayed in Bambam’s head as silence once again enveloped them. The chains locking Bambam’s heart opened up, freeing his heart. A smile broke into his face as he let his head fall back, careful not to disturb Lisa.

Of course. She’s her best friend.

If Bambam has to choose one thing in his life to be constant, he will choose his friendship with Lisa in a heartbeat. Underneath all the chaos, Lisa will forever be his best friend and he’ll forever be Lisa’s best friend. Nothing can change that. Not even unrequited love.

 

***

 

There is definitely a rift between Bambam and Yugyeom. At first, Lisa thought that Bambam is becoming distant to Yugyeom and her because of their budding relationship. But there is something in their short responses and lies whenever she asks what’s going on with the two of them. She has been trying to bring the three of them together but both Bambam and Yugyeom have so many excuses to give.

So one weekend afternoon, Lisa decided to make a little bit more effort but she needed a little help from others.

She asked Yugyeom to go to the animal shelter with her saying that she felt bad the last time she went there and wanted to volunteer this time. Yugyeom agreed, more enthusiastic that she expected, definitely oblivious to what Lisa is planning.

Little did Yugyeom know that Lisa talked to Paul from the shelter and asked him to call Bambam, make up any excuse that will make him go the animal shelter. Lisa just said that the best friends are being idiots and needs to talk, Paul didn't ask any more questions.

Lisa and Yugyeom are in the middle of an ‘orientation’ for starters like Lisa when Bambam came in panting.

“Paul!” Bambam cried when he opened the door’s office a bit too harshly. Yugyeom and Lisa had their backs on the door and it was only Paul who looked at Bambam’s direction when the door slammed open.

“Where’s the rescued cat?” Bambam panicked.

Lisa is the one to turn his head at the Bambam. She suddenly felt bad seeing the panic and worry in Bambam’s eyes caused by a lie.

“Lisa?” Bambam asked, puzzled. He didn’t expect to see her here.

It’s a small room, Yugyeom definitely heard Bambam and he definitely knows that it’s his voice but it took him a while to turn to him. Bambam, too, knows that it is Yugyeom who’s seating beside Lisa. That boy who’s too tall for the chair he’s sitting at is definitely Yugyeom.

“Yugyeom.” Bambam mumbled when Yugyeom finally turned.

“You called them too, Paul?” Bambam asked, his voice mixed with surprise and accusation, as he walks near the three.

“No. We went here on our own.” Yugyeom answered sternly.

Paul sighed impatiently. “This is really a big problem, huh?” Paul turned to Lisa.

“No.” Yugyeom  and Bambam said in chorus.

Lisa sighed. “I told you.”

Paul turned to Yugyeom and Bambam. “Boys, what day is it today?”

“Sunday.” They both answered.

“Exactly.” Paul said. “Did you see any other people when you get here?”

“No.” Yugyeom answered almost inaudible while Bambam shook his head hesitantly.

Paul nodded. He turned to Yugyeom “Of course. Because the center is closed on Sundays. You can’t volunteer if the center is closed.” He explained then turned his head to Bambam. “So no one is also around to rescue pets ‘cause we are closed.”

Bambam and Yugyeom looked the opposite directions in embarrassment.

Paul moved to Lisa’s side. “I’m sorry but I think this will take some time. Why don’t we let them figure this out on their own?”

Lisa nodded. “That’s the best thing to do.”

“Great.” Paul said. “In the meantime, how ‘bout some snacks? Do you wa—“

“Hey!” Bambam and Yugyeom screamed in chorus when Paul was in the act of draping an arm over Lisa’s shoulder.

Paul’s arm was frozen mid-air. He shot a surprised and puzzled look at the two boys then turned to Lisa for confirmation. Lisa just smiled in embarrassment. Paul took another glance at the two, who have both of their eyes glaring at him, before finally resting a brotherly arm over Lisa’s shoulders.

“I have some cookies that I baked earlier, I think you’ll love it.” Paul said to Lisa, completely ignoring the piercing looks of the boys and went ahead to the door.

Before continuing to walk, Lisa politely escaped Paul’s arm to turn to Bambam and Yugyeom.

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you two but I’m so tired of your excuses.” Lisa said seriously. “So whatever it is, can you please talk about it and fix it?”

Bambam and Yugyeom looked at each other before looking away again.

“Please?” Lisa repeated when she didn’t get an answer then followed Paul to the door, carefully closing the door behind her.

 

 

It has been forty minutes since Bambam and Yugyeom were left in the room, but still, neither of them is talking. Deafening silence filled the room. No one wants to talk but impatience is rapidly growing in the both them.

“What the fuck is wrong with us, Yugyeom?” Bambam finally spoke, annoyance is evident in his voice.

Yugyeom sighed, equally annoyed but guilty at the accusation. “I don’t know, Bambam.”

They both know exactly what’s wrong, of course. But neither of them wants to be the first to clear out the air.

Bambam leaned back on the chair he’s sitting at and stretched his legs forward hitting Yugyeom’s foot which made them both jump.

Bambam quickly folded his legs and fixed posture. He was about to say sorry, but Yugyeom was quick to speak.

“Sorry.” Yugyeom mumbled almost inaudible, looking away. “I’m sorry.” He repeated and that’s when Bambam realized what the words really meant.

Bambam looked at Yugyeom. He knows that nobody is wrong, everything just messed up and made their friendship complicated. But Bambam has no one to point fingers at beside himself. If he didn’t blurted out his feelings out of frustration, Yugyeom wouldn’t have to go through this. Or if not for his feelings at all, none of this is going to happen in the first place.

So he felt even worse that Yugyeom feels sorry and that’s he’s apologizing too.

“No, man.” Bambam mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom repeated once again, this time looking at Bambam. “But I can’t let go of Lisa.”

Bambam was shocked at how stern and serious Yugyeom’s voice is. His piercing look digs deep into his heart.

“I’m sorry that I was too selfish just thinking about myself that I didn’t see you’re hurting too. I’m your best friend and I should have been with you through this.” Yugyeom explained. “But I’m sorry too that I can’t do anything about this.”

Bambam knows how much Yugyeom likes Lisa but it hurts him to hear it straight from his lips. It’s once again shattering his heart that he’s holding tighter, afraid it’ll crumble into pieces again.

“I’m sorry.” Yugyeom’s voice almost cracked as he rests his head on his two hands, the tension in his fingers messing up his hair. “I’m so sorry, Bambam. I wish can do something about this. I really wish I could.”

Bambam’s heart sank. Seeing Yugyeom’s pain, however, is still unbearable than his own.

“But I really like Lisa, Bambam. It scares me, big time. But I really do like her.” Yugyeom added.

Bambam sighed in surrender. “I know, Yugyeom.” No matter how much it hurt him, some things are meant to be forgotten and some things are meant to be kept. Bambam has long decided what to let go and what to hold on to.

“And you should never be sorry about that.” Bambam added, a bittersweet but sincere smile flashing across his face.

Yugyeom looked at him from his hands, eyes beaming with hope.

“But,” Yugyeom tried to speak but Bambam was quick to interrupt him.

“Lisa is my best friend, Yugyeom.” Bambam started. “Lisa _is_ Lisa. A lot of things may come and go, things will change but Lisa will always be Lisa.”

Bambam paused. It is the first time he’s saying his thoughts out loud and it surprises him how easy it is than he expected. It’s like he’s slowly letting go of the angst in him as he do.

“And you’re Yugyeom.” Bambam continued. “We can fight a hundred times more but you’ll always be Yugyeom, my best friend.”

Yugyeom looked at him in awe. He knows that Bambam is always a lot more mature that what he seems but he never expected this from him. He probably underestimated him but he’s Bambam and nobody can figure him out—that’s the best thing about him.  

“You and Lisa?” Bambam added. “It probably hurts me now, but who knows, maybe tomorrow, I meet someone else and be in love with her in an instant.”

Yugyeom shook his head in disbelief.

Bambam chuckled. “So, don’t worry about me, Gyeom. Whatever happens, I’ll always be your best friend. Your brother from anther mother. I probably won’t take a bullet for you but I promise I’m gonna kill whoever shot you.”

Yugyeom shook his head laughing.

“Man, I missed my best friend.” Bambam said. “Can I have him back?”

Instead of answering, a loud fart sound was heard followed by an awful smell.

Yugyeom burst in laughter.

“What the fuck, you missed me that much?” Bambam answered while covering his nose.

“I missed you, Bam.” Yugyeom said in between laughter.

Another fart sound was heard. “Man, I missed you too.”

The two burst into hysterical laughter, covering their noses and slapping each other playfully.

“We good now?” As if on cue, the door flew open and Lisa’s wide smile peeked.

Bambam and Yugyeom jumped in their seats, frozen. They looked at each wide-eyed before Yugyeom stormed to the door, pushing Lisa out before shutting it while Bambam is fanning away the smell. There’s no way he’s letting Lisa smell their mark of friendship.

 

***

 

“A gift for the love birds.” Bambam said dropping a paper bag in front of Lisa and Yugyeom who are waiting for him at the convenience store.

Bambam just got off the bus from school. He spent the whole afternoon with Nana doing their Literature finals. The stress of finals and graduation making Nana a bit paranoid for their finals but Bambam is trying his best to keep her cool.

 “Is this a bribe?” Lisa asked. “For letting us wait for you every afternoon? You’re taking you finals way too seriously, I’m worried.” She added earning a disagreeing look from Bambam.

“Nana’s a freak for stressing you too much.” Yugyeom commented.

“Not really, she’s cool actually.” Bambam said sitting between the two.

Yugyeom looked at Bambam suspiciously.

“Are you defending her?” Yugyeom asked.

“What? No!” Bambam said hitting his chest. “Just go eat this before it melts.” Bambam said opening the paper bag then getting his own ice cream before giving Lisa and Yugyeom each. Melon popsicle for Lisa and ice cream sandwich for Yugyeom—their favorites.

“Oh, what’s this? Why are you treating us? You’re gonna ask for something?” Lisa asked suspiciously.

“Why are you guys doing this to me? Can’t I be nice once in a while?” Bambam said dramatically.

Instead of answering the two gave him suspicious looks.

“You’re both crazy. It’s robably why you like each other.” Bambam said which made the two lean back in shyness. It still stings a bit but Bambam doesn’t mind it much anymore.

Yugyeom started to eat his ice cream while Lisa is looking at Bambam, waiting for an explanation. She truly knows Bambam the most.

“Well,” Bambam finally said as he peels the wrapper of his Vanilla ice cream. “I know I’ve been a bit of an asshole the past weeks throwing tantrums and mood swings. Puberty sucks, you know.”

“You’re too old for puberty, dummy.” Lisa said playfully nudging Bambam on the side.

“Am I?” Bambam repeated. “Anyway, I’m just thankful for you guys for sticking around despite my mood swings.”

Lisa probably knows the least but she could still feel something between Bambam’s words. She still can’t brought herself to dig on it, though. If Bambam wants her to know, he will tell her but if not, maybe some things are really meant to be left unsaid.

Yugyeom knows the most, of course. He knows exactly why Bambam is doing this. He was trying, a bit too hard the past weeks, to make them—mostly Lisa—feel that everything is fine.  

“Ew, man.” Yugyeom said, helping Bambam ease Lisa’s wonder. “We didn’t really have a choice, anyway.”

“Oh, really, huh?” Bambam said throwing his arm around Yugyeom’s neck playfully choking him.

“You could hurt him, Bambam.” Lisa said. “Stop it.”

“ _Ohhhh_.” Bambam and Yugyeom said in unison, turning to Lisa.

“Oh my gosh, stop it.” Lisa said rolling her eyes but a smile escapes her lips.

“Look at our love birds here.” Bambam said throwing his other arm around Lisa pulling the two close to him.

“Love guys.” Bambam said kissing both of their heads.

“Ew!”

“Bambam!”

Yugyeom and Lisa said both at the same time. Bambam smiled wholeheartedly before releasing the both of them from his arms and went back to eating his ice cream.

This, Bambam thought to himself, this is something he won’t trade for anything else in the world.

 


	10. In The Middle

Dealing with heartbreak is never easy but no one is ever meant to be heartbroken forever. People always overestimate heartbreaks so much that they get stuck with the pain. Sure, it requires feeling the pain, ‘cause that’s always been the thing about pain, right? It demands to be felt. But that’s the beauty of it. It hurts you so much that you will want to end it, for it stop; to be over, so you will want to move on.

Now, moving on isn’t easy either. No one said that. But what most people don’t understand is that it’s a choice, it’s always a choice. You can either dwell on your heartbreak and spend all your days sulking and hurting yourself even more than you actually are or you can turn the page, take a step forward, move on. Life doesn’t end with heartbreaks. It should never end anything, even friendship—especially friendship.

That is what Bambam realized. He realized that no matter how much he likes Lisa, she will always be his best friend. No matter how much Yugyeom likes Lisa, he will always be his best friend. And in the most complicated way a life of teenager can get, that’s the only thing that matters.

Bambam was surprised how he’s coping up with the pain when he’s with Lisa and Yugyeom. A bit ironic since they’re the reason why his heart is broken in the first place. But they are also his source of strength and happiness, so at the end of the day, friendship prevails over heartbreak.

In any type of heartbreak, in that matter.

Yugyeom and Bambam are sitting in the steps of Bambam’s porch. Yugyeom has his head down in his two palms, elbows resting on his knees while Bambam is just staring blankly ahead.

They just received the results of a college entrance exam they both took—in which they both failed too. It’s the school of their dreams, which they decided to go to since their freshman year.

“Life is so unfair.” Yugyeom mumbled.

“Why is this happening to us?” Bambam uttered.

“I really had a good feeling after taking the exam, you know?” Yugyeom said, lifting his head from his palms. “I really thought I’m gonna pass.”

“I should have paid more attention to her notes.” Bambam said, mostly to his self, referring to the couple of times he mindlessly scanned through Nana’s notes.

Yugyeom looked at Bambam puzzled at whose notes he is talking about. He opened his mouth to ask but Bambam turned to him and started talking.

“But imagine if you’re the only one who failed.” Bambam uttered.

Yugyeom’s face lightened up. “Yeah. I would have been devastated if you passed and I failed.”

“Exactly.” Bambam agreed taking his hand out.

Yugyeom slapped his hand for a high five, then clasping it tight. “We’re really best friends after all.”

“Losers.”

Bambam and Yugyeom looked up and found Paul standing in front of them. He has a bag of takeout food in one hand, another hand inside his pocket. As much as the two are annoyed at Paul’s always-nice-and-proper personality, they can’t help but to aspire to be just like him rather than other college douchebags. One more reason why they opted to apply for that school—it was Paul’s school too.

“What are you doing here?” Bambam asked.

Paul answered by putting the bag of takeout in front of them.

“You’re welcome.” Paul said as he sat beside Bambam.

Yugyeom immediately took a burger from the bag.

“It’s not the end of the world you know. You can still re-apply next month. That’s what I did.” Paul advised.

Yugyeom and Bambam turned their heads to him in surprise.

“What?” Yugyeom asked, almost spitting the burger he is eating.

“You failed too?” Bambam just took a burger out of the bag.

Paul took the burger from Bambam. “What’s so surprising about that?” he asked, a bit embarrassed.

“Hey, that’s mine!” Bambam screamed. “Who even told you we failed?”

As if on cue, Lisa appeared behind them from inside of the house. “I did.”

Yugyeom froze in the middle of chewing. “You talked to her?!” he asked Paul.

Paul looked at Bambam with a what-is-wrong-with-him look but Bambam just shrugged in reply, finally taking a bite of his own burger.

“Yes I did.” Paul said, impatiently. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal your girlfriend, lover boy.”

Lisa felt her whole face burning in embarrassment. A hand went to slap Yugyeom’s shoulder.

“Ouch!” Yugyeom exclaimed. “Why are you hitting me?”

Lisa didn’t answer and instead took a burger.

Paul and Bambam just chuckled hearing the lovebirds bicker.

“Don’t stress yourselves too much. College is awful but you can do it.” Paul said.

Bambam side-eyed him. “Oh, words of wisdom from a college expert.”

“Hey, I’m trying to be a good older brother here, okay.” Paul nudged him. “But I’m serious, don't think worry about college yet. Heck, you haven’t even graduated. Enjoy you last bits of sanity.”

 

 

Graduation is happening in less than a month but what students are more excited about is the Year-End Dance. It’s an institutional event in Bambam’s school. It wasn’t much of a formal event though but it has always been fun with themes. Couples dress in couple costumes, peers dress up in packs. Everyone is taking it seriously, especially the seniors, which is probably ninety-percent of the attendees, the others are the freshmen who regretted coming. Seniors claim it as their own. No one can blame them though, it’s they’re last year; they always opt to do the most. Besides, finals and graduation has always stressed them so the dance is always something they look forward to.

This year’s theme is the Marvel Universe. When Bambam heard about it—it was announced on the first semester of the school year—he knows he has to be Spiderman. No one else but him. So he spent all his will and energy to convince everyone that he’s the only one who should be Spiderman. Thanks to his charms and a few bribes, he convinced about six people to change their character hoping that no one turns their backs on him on the night itself.

“Bambam! Bambam!” Lisa called storming straight inside of Bambam’s room without even bothering to knock. It has been her habit lately.

“What?” Bambam groaned, turning to his bedside clock. It’s Saturday, the day before the dance and all Bambam wants to do is to sleep in. “What the heck, Lisa, it’s not even nine!” He said covering himself with his blanket.

“Bambam!” Lisa ignored him, jumping straight to his bed, resting in her left arm so she’s half-sitting, half-lying down facing Bambam. “Yugyeom asked me to the dance!”

“Great. Congratulations.” Bambam said half heartedly. He means it but he already knows about it weeks ago. Honestly, who would be surprised? And he had also helped Yugyeom convince all their teachers to allow a school outsider to be part of the event that is exclusive to the school.

“Come on, wake up!” Lisa ordered, shaking Bambam eagerly. “He even bought me a costume. Look!”

“What the fuck.” Bambam cursed and rose so he’s sitting in his bed. Lisa almost slump her face on the bed with the sudden movement. “No way.” Bambam said shaking his head when he remembered that Yugyeom will go as Mr. Fantastic. “You’re not gonna dress up as Invisible Woman!”

Lisa pursed her lips.

“We hated the Fantastic Four!”

Bambam felt betrayed. Not only did Lisa is going to dress up as their least favorite character but Yugyeom also went behind his back and bought costumes.

Lisa just smiled in guilt, shrugging her shoulders.

Bambam faked a chuckle. “I can’t believe this betrayal.”

“But look, it’s the same as the comics!” Lisa said. “Not the films.”

“Whatever.” Bambam answered, covering his head with the blanket again. His phone chimed, hinting a text message.

Bambam took it to check while Lisa is just looking at him from beside his bed.

_From Nana: Hey, I emailed our paper to you. You might wanna check it before I send it to Mrs. Dublin_

Lisa’s attention was caught when she saw a smile flash across Bambam’s face.

“Who’s that?” Lisa asked, suspiciously.

“Nana.” Bambam answered, not looking away from his phone as he type, the smile still on his face.

“What is it about? It’s not even nine.” Lisa asked, imitating Bambam. She doesn't even know Nana, by the way.

Bambam’s eyes are still glued on his phone as well as the smile on his face. “Lit paper.”

“Lit paper? And it’s making you smile like that this early?” Lisa teased.

_To Nana: No need, I trust you anyway ;)_

The smile on Bambam’s face dropped as he hit send. “I’m not smiling.”

Lisa stood from the bed and went to the door. “Fool yourself, Bam. But you can never hide anything from me.”

“Oh, really, huh?” Bambam said. No, he can definitely hide something from her. Or can he really?

“Oh,” Lisa mocked him before leaving the room. “Does she have a date for the dance?”

“I don’t kno—no, I’m not gonna ask her!”

Lisa chuckled, she’s enjoying making fun of Bambam.

“I think you should.”

“No.”

“You will.” Lisa declared as she exits the room.

Bambam thinks Lisa is crazy. He will never ask Nana for the dance.

He was definitely not smiling while reading her text.

But he was.

What’s so wrong with asking Nana, anyway? She’s smart, witty, kind—she’s actually cool and not as boring as he thought she was. She says the craziest stuff but also the most meaningful. He actually liked talking to her and he hated himself for calling her a wall.

Lisa suddenly opened the door again making Bambam jump in surprise. “Ask her!” She shouted before disappearing again.

Bambam smiled sharking his head. Lisa knows best and he’ll definitely ask Nana to the dance.

He took his phone and started typing quickly.

_To Nana: Hey, you’re still living near the park, right? The second corner?_

It didn’t take Nana long to reply.

_From Nana: Uh, yes. Why?_

_To Nana: Good. Can I come over?_

Bambam’s heart felt like coming out of his chest—it was beating so hard. Minutes have passed and there’s still no reply from Nana. Bambam was worried. Did he say the wrong thing? Should he just go there instead without asking? Does she already have a date? No way, he’ll know if she has. Why isn’t she replying?

Thousands of questions run in his mind that made him call Nana in an instant, not thinking thoroughly.

“What?” Nana asked as soon as she picked up. Panic was evident in her voice.

“Wow, good morning too, Nana.” Bambam teased.

“Sorry,” Nana scoffed. “Why? Why are you asking to come over?”

“I can’t?” Bambam asked.

“No. My parents are here...” Nana explained. “They might misunderstand or something. Why? Did something happen again? I thought everything’s fine now.”

Bambam could feel Nana frowning over the line. “Do you have a date for the dance?”

“W-what?” Nana asked, caught a bit off guard. “I—why’d you ask?”

“I’m guessing the answering is no?” Bambam assumed, talking as fast and sharp as he could so he would sound cool. “Can you come to the dance with me? As my date?”

Nana couldn’t answer. Bambam almost stopped breathing while waiting.

There was dead silence. Bambam is growing worried. What if Nana has a date? What if she doesn’t want to be his date?

“Nana?” Bambam mumbled.

“Why me? I’m boring.” Nana answered.

“Boring? I just spent all my afternoons with you the past weeks and trust me, you’re one of the most interesting person to talk to.” Bambam felt like a fool smiling to himself.

“But—“

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven?”

Nana sighed, surrendering. “Let’s just meet around the school. My parents will freak out.”

Bambam’s smiled widened. “Your call, ma’am. I’ll see you.”

 

 

Bambam waited for Nana beside the school gate. Yugyeom and Lisa has long been inside enjoying the night. Bambam is standing by the gate, in his Spiderman suit—which is making him itch a bit—playing with his Spidey mask. He suddenly became worried about Nana’s costume. He thought about Nana dressing up as Black Widow would be great but doubt that she will be up for it. What if she dresses up as Iron Man or something? What if she doesn’t have any idea about any Marvel character? It’ll be a disaster.

As if on cue, Nana gets off a car. She is wearing pink blouse and jeans. Bambam couldn’t point out which character she is and somehow thought that she probably skipped the costume until she saw her hair. A red wig. Yes, there are a lot of redhead Marvel characters, but there’s only one on top of his mind.

“You’re fucking Mary Jane Watson?” Bambam asked dumbfounded as soon as Nana approached him.

“What’s up, Tiger?” Nana said winking.

“Did you plan this? Did you know I am Spiderman?” Bambam asked still couldn’t believe they ended up in couple costumes.

“You’re Spiderman?” Nana asked faking amusement.

Bambam rolled his eyes.

Nana rolled her eyes too. “Excuse me, no. I didn’t know you’re gonna be Spiderman all I want is to not wear a superhero costume.” Nana explained.

Bambam chuckled. “Wow. I gotta commend your resourcefulness, then.”

 

 

The night is wild. People are dancing around like there’s tomorrow, food flowing freely like a feast, there’s drink too but totally wholesome ones disguised as cocktails. Kids are all over the place. Showdown on the dance floor. Couples enjoying their moments in the corner. Everyone is having the time of their lives dancing and playing.

Yugyeom and Bambam almost forgot they have dates with themspent most of the night at the dance floor. They are showing off their weird dance moves only them can pull off.

When the upbeat songs was changed to slow-tempo songs, groups of kids groaned as they exit the floor while couples slowly take their places.

Yugyeom, who was showing off his sick dance moves the whole time, tensed with the shift of song. While Lisa enjoy every single bit of Yugyeom’s moves, there’s no denying that she’s waiting for the slow dance.

Yugyeom gathered up all his courage and put his hands on Lisa’s waist, pulling her closer as Lisa places her hands over his shoulder. They were slow, no definite dance moves, just two bodies swaying to the sound of their hearts beating.

Yugyeom smiled at her and Lisa smiled back.

“I never thought I’ll ever dance to a slow song wearing a Fantastic Four costume.” Lisa mumbled.

“Because you hate the Fantastic Four.” Yugyeom is a bit hurt that his girlfriend hates his superhero preference.

“Well, it’s the film reboots that I didn't like.” Lisa clarified.

Yugyeom is still feeling bad though, his lips forming a pout.

“Hey,” Lisa whispered, inching closer to Yugyeom. “Does it matter?”

Yugyeom didn't answer.

Lisa smiled. “You can be Iron Man and I’ll be Pepper Potts. Spiderman and I’ll be Mary Jane. Be Thor and I’ll be Sif—yeah not, Jane Foster ‘casue Sif is a lot more badass.”

“Maybe not Spiderman though. She has her Mary Jane.” A hint of jealousy is heard in Yugyeom’s voice.

“Oh, yeah.” Lisa said remembering Bambam. “But you get my point. It’s not about who we dressed up as. It’s about us. Just _us._ ” Lisa said, locking eyes with Yugyeom before quickly looking away.

Yugyeom smiled. “Hey,” He said, lowering his head to Lisa’s level but she’s still looking away.

“Hey,” Yugyeom repeated.

Lisa was surprised when she turned and found Yugyeom’s face so close to hers. She took a step back but Yugyeom was quick to pull her back, even closer to him this time.

There was a brief moment that their eyes locked, one pair is waiting while the other is confirming.

Yugyeom has always been skeptical about magic.

Lisa never believed that fairytales can happen in real life,

But in that moment—that perfect moment—they were convinced that magic is real and fairytales do come true when their lips meet chastely.

 

 

“Let’s dance!” Nana declared, practically dragging Bambam to the dance floor.

They were sitting in the bench since the slow song started playing. Both of them grew quiet and awkward to dance to a romantic song. Nana noticed Bambam looking over at Yugyeom and Lisa’s direction as they sway to the mellow music. As much as the sight is sweet enough to give her butterflies in her stomach, she is worrying about Bambam and how he feels seeing his best friend and his other best fried he has feelings for share a moment.

So when things are just becoming more and more like a scene from a romantic movie between Lisa and Yugyeom, Nana took Bambam’s hand and dragged him to the dance floor, making sure he has his back on the two.

“Whoa, whoa.” Bambam said.

Nana sighed in relief when she has completed her mission.

“You can just ask nicely, you know.” Bambam said as he puts his hands on Nana’s waist.

Nana’s whole body froze before she realized she has to put her hands on Bambam’s shoulders to consider this a dance. She carefully and very slowly put her hands on his shoulders sending electricity to her whole body at the touch.

Bambam grinned. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Nana couldn’t help but to tremble a little.

“Hey,” Bambam whispered as they start swaying. “Relax, this doesn’t suit you.”

Nana shot him a look which he answered with a chuckle.

“You haven’t done this before, have you?” He asked.

Nana rolled her eyes. “Well, have you?”

Bambam was taken aback but was quick to recover. “There. That’s more like you.”

Nana just smirked then they were back to being quiet again. Their bodies swaying offbeat to the music playing. Bambam won’t ever admit it, but these are all so new to him too and he’s just as nervous as she is. He remembered Yugyeom and wondered how the heck can he be so good at it. He felt a slight tug in his heart at the thought.

He looked at Nana and saw how she looked so bothered.

“What are you thinking?” Bambam asked.

“A lot of things,” Nana answered. “Your reason of asking me as a date is on top. Was I really your choice? Or did you just ran out of girls to ask?”

“What?” Bambam asked feeling accused. He sighed. “If you’re asking if you’re the first one I thought, no. I’ve always wanted to take Lisa but you know things happened so it’s impossible. But it’s not like I’m forced, you know? For the record, you’re the only one I asked. Because I wanted to be with you.”

Nana froze in her place after hearing Bambam’s blunt confession, hoping Bambam wouldn’t notice that she stopped swaying.

“H-how are you, by the way?” She said changing the subject.

Bambam shook his head, smiling.

“We haven’t talked about it so I assumed you’re okay but I don’t know. Are you really okay?” Nana explained.

“Better. Never been better.” Bambam answered proudly. “Friendship is the most important.”

“I’m happy for you, Bambam.” Nana said, looking at Bambam for the first time since they danced. “Relationships and feelings are weird.”

“You sound like you know a lot about feelings.” Bambam pursed his lips as Nana starts swaying again. “Have you ever liked someone?”

Nana scoffed. She’s finally a bit more comfortable now. “Walls don’t have feelings. And I’m too busy with books and responsibilities.” Nana answered.

Bambam was disappointed. “Not even once?”

Nana looked at Bambam before looking away, then back at him again, a grin flashed across her face. “Actually, there’s one.” She started earning Bambam’s full attention.

“There’s this boy back in freshman year,” Nana started. “I thought he was really cool, independent, mysterious, like a lot more mature than anyone else.”

“Do I know this guy?” Bambam asked, panic and worry hugged his whole body. A sudden jolt of unwanted feeling creeping back in his body.

“I actually think you do.” Nana smiled like there’s a joke that Bambam isn’t getting. “He’s a bit popular. Got a reputation of calling me a wall.”

Bambam’s head dropped at the confession, before he knew it, he’s already laughing. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.”

Nana laughed with him. “No, no. It’s fine. I think I even owe him for that. You know, it kinda brought me out of my comfort zone and all. I think I may even treat him for lunch someday. And it’s all in the past now, anyway.”

They were both chuckling. Nana has finally loosen up completely, just enjoying their time together, swaying to the music despite being off beat.

“The past,” Bambam said when the laughter fades. “So you don’t like him anymore?” He asked looking down, having trouble finding the courage to look at Nana.

Nana pursed her lips before answering. “I don’t know. This guy...he kinda need some time for himself, you know? Poor guy’s got heartbroken and I think he needs some fixing.”

“Oh.” Bambam’s shoulders dropped when he heard the words. Nana was right. He isn’t ready. Maybe he enjoys being with Nana but there’s a part of him that still needs to heal. It will be unfair for the both of them to jump right in when one of them is still healing. Despite knowing this, Bambam still felt a bit disappointed.

“But you know what,” Nana said, tightening her grip on Bambam’s shoulder when she noticed the sudden change of his mood. “I think I’m gonna stick around.”

Bambam looks up from the floor to Nana’s eyes, from the first time this night, they’re looking at each other’s eyes.

“Gonna see what I can do, might even help him with stuff. He might need some math tutorial again or something.” Nana added.

Bambam couldn’t help but laugh, and so does Nana.

Suddenly, they are not swaying to some 90s mellow song that’s playing, but instead to the harmony of their laughter.

 

 

“This is getting boring.” Bambam muttered while the school principal is up on stage, talking about something they’re too bored to even care about. Lisa, Yugyeom and him are sitting in their table while Nana excused herself to the restroom.

“Let’s get out of here.” Yugyeom whispered leaning to the two.

“Is that allowed?” Lisa asked, wanting to get out of the gym too.

Bambam leaned in too. “You go get some stuff then I’ll follow you guys.”

Yugyeom took Lisa’s hand then carefully guide her out of the gym. It wasn’t really hard to sneak out since everyone is either sleeping or is in their own world.

Meanwhile, Bambam waited for Nana to come back.

“Hey,” Bambam whispered as soon as Nana sits beside him.

“Where are your friends?” Nana asked.

“They went out.” He whispered, leaning close to her

“Why are you whispering?” Nana leaned in too.

Bambam smiled. “Wanna go somewhere else?”

Nana leaned back to her chair and threw her arms around her, covering herself.

“What—that’s not what I mean.” Bambam defended. “I’m gonna die with boredom here. We are gonna go out a bit, are you up for it?”

Nana didn't answer at first and Bambam remembered that Nana is a good student and sneaking out is probably not her thing. “But if you don’t want, it’s okay, we can stay here. I’m sure Lisa and Yugyeom are gonna be fine with themselves.”

“But you should be with them.” Nana said.

“But I should be with you. You’re my Mary Jane Watson.” Bambam said.

Nana felt her cheeks flushed. “Oh, wh-what a gentleman.” Nana teased, but her stuttering failed her

“So, what do you think?” Bambam asked once more.

To be honest, Nana’s also beyond bored in this party and she has always wanted to go outside her box. High school is ending and this might be her last chance.

Nana took a deep breath. “It’s gonna be fun. We stand on three?”

Bambam wanted to say that they didn’t really have to count but Nana’s already in her detective-like posture, counting down so he just went along, a gentle smile flashing on his face.

It didn’t took them long to arrive at the old gym. Nana was so surprised they got in. She has zero idea that this is Bambam and Yugyeom’s permanent hideout. Bambam thought there’s still a lot Nana should know and he’s just so excited to tell her everything.

As they get in, Yugyeom and Lisa are entering too at the other gate. It felt like deja vu, except this time, there are four shadows instead of two.

“Nana is here?!” Yugyeom asked as soon as they found each other.

“He’s my date, bro.” Bambam said. Yugyeom has never liked Nana so much ever since the Lit finals, thinking she stressed Bambam so much. “I can’t just leave her there.”

“What did I ever do to you, Yugyeom?” Nana asked, sounding hopeless.

“Your Lit finals stressed Bambam too much!” Yugyeom answered.

Nana turned at Bambam. Last time she checked, they just spent about fifteen minutes of doing the paper, the rest of the afternoon, Bambam is either sleeping or he would just do random stuff just to have an excuse not to spend too much time Lisa and Yugyeom.

Bambam just shrugged.

“Yeah,” Nana sighed. “I take finals very seriously.”

“She’s gonna sell us out!” Yugyeom accused. “We might get expelled!”

“If you’re so scared of being caught, then why sneak out in the first place?” Nana clap backed.

Yugyeom was dumbfounded, not expecting such a strong comeback. Lisa and Bambam chuckled before Lisa walked to Nana and they exchanged hellos and introductions. The next thing they knew, the two girls are already in the bleachers, sharing potato chips while talking about some Korean drama.

“I told you she’s cool.” Bambam whispered to Yugyeom.

“Didn’t know your taste is that weird.” Yugyeom teased, earning a slap on his chest from Bambam.

 

 

The night grew filled with banters, savage comebacks and a lot of laughter. The four of them being closer than they ever did—even Yugyeom and Nana. The new addition to the pack, Nana, didn’t really seem new and it was as if they have been friends all along. In between the bags of potato chips and soda cans, they knew each other more, shared things they never said before—wildest dreams, irrational fears—everything. Few hours seems like years of foundation of friendship.

“Are you scared of tomorrow?” Yugyeom asked as he finishes a can of soda. The four of them sitting in on line at the bleachers, Yugyeom on the floor, Lisa and Nana sitting side by side between him and Bambam who is leaning in the bleachers above them, his long legs stretched out.

“Monday? Yes.” Bambam answered bluntly.

“No. I meant tomorrow as in the new chapter; graduating, college, pretending to be adults.” Yugyeom clarified. “‘Cause I am. College is a fucking hell. Have you seen people who get into college? They were so happy at first but ended up being so stressed after some time, like college took the best of them, or something. What if it’s too much for us to handle?”

The three were silent, thinking of what they should answer.

“It’s gonna be hard but we have to face it, right?” Lisa answered. She has her new chapter ahead of her too. More than college and entering the big world, Lisa is up to a new start with her friends but away from her family. As much as she’s happy to say, it scares her too, she misses her mom and dad every single day.

There was silence. Neither of them wants to answer.

“I’m terrified.” Nana suddenly muttered, three heads turn to her, Bambam with a hint of worry.

“But you’re Nana.” Yugyeom said, there’s pride in his voice.

Nana smiled bitterly. “Exactly. I am Nana and people—my family, teachers, friends, you—you all expect something big, so much from than I can do. It’s terrifying when people expect so much from you when all you want is to enjoy.” It sounded a lot sadder than Nana wanted it to be. “I just...I just wanted to care less sometime.”

Bambam leaned in and reached for Nana’s arm, squeezing it for comfort.

“Who says tomorrow’s gonna be easy?” Bambam said, sitting close to Nana. “No one said it was. In fact, they all say it’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna be hell. So we can prepare. So we can show them that we got it. Yeah, it’s fucking scary, it’s a lot of risks, but we have each other, right? We’re here to watch each other’s backs right? We can get through whatever bullshit tomorrow is going throw at us because we got each other. Because that’s what friends are for.”

A smile escaped his friends’ faces as Bambam finishes. Sure, that doesn’t answer their worries for tomorrow. But it’s enough—enough to assure them that life is a little bit easier to deal with when you got your friends with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sharkeu here!
> 
> We finally reached the end!  
> I don't really know if you'll stay here and read this lol but if you are, then, thank you.  
> This isn't the best, a lot of fics are better than this, but, if you stick around and read until the end, thank you so much. It means so much to me. You're feedbacks motivated me and I promise to work harder in the future!  
> Tell me what you think about the ending and the fic as whole! I would love to know what you think of this lol  
> ILY guys! <3
> 
> shameless promo lol follow me @.howtobeucoco on twitter for fic updates hehe


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